Tag Archives: yay

New weight loss

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Ahhhhhhhhhh…….

The mental relief new weight loss brings…..there is nothing like it.  Previously low was 188.  This morning I’m 187.76.  I’m wearing my size 12 jeans, muffin top and all, and just wearing a big shirt to hide it.  My legs, butt, hips have all been a size 12 for a while now…..it’s my abdomen where 90% of my loose skin is that doesn’t cooperate with that size.

I was blessed with having good legs, but they are on the smaller size as far as weight….so often I have to buy pants based on my waist size, but then my legs and butt are loose.  A shame, really…but that’s just how my body is.  Perhaps as I lose more it will be better.  It will never be great…I don’t have an hourglass figure as it is….my waist to hip ratio has always been slight….which means I’m an apple shape which is the worst for potential heart issues, as we know.  The good news is I’m doing everything I can to ensure my future health, and that is all any of us can do.

The further away from “cheats” the easier it gets mentally.  I don’t know why that is, but it is.

It’s also amazing that when I’m in weight loss, and I’m not having a hard day I want to get to 160, but when I’m having a hard time I’m ok with 170.  Perhaps I should meet in the middle and just say the goal is 165.

Perhaps I should just not worry about the number, and simply be grateful I’m in weight loss (the diet works people!).

Over and out.  Rock on today and every day!

Time to celebrate

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On May 30th, 2012 I began my last diet.  I weighed 304.9 pounds.  I was on 2 medicines for high triglycerides and 1 for high blood pressure.  I used a CPAP machine at night for sleep apnea.  I was personally miserable.  Subjected to discrimination,  I was the 300 pound invisible woman.  I was wearing plus sized/women’s size 3x clothes and a size 28W jeans.  I sweat like a fountain.  I took over-the-counter meds daily for acid reflux.  My knees were tender going down stairs, so I avoided using stairs whenever possible.  I did not wear heels, or skirts/dresses.  I was a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

On May 30th, 2013 I’m still on the diet.  I weighed in this morning at 188.4 pounds.  I’m on no meds for high triglycerides or blood pressure.  I no longer need the CPAP machine.  I’m personally quite happy.  I get better treatment in public, and men make eye contact with me now.  I wear ladies size L/XL, and a size 12/14 pants.  I only sweat now when it’s a high dew point and I’m active.  I only have to take an over-the-counter acid reflux medicine when I’ve had too much indulgence (rarely).  My knees are no longer tender, and I participated in the Fight for Air Stair Climb in March.  Today I’m wearing heels and a skirt.

I’m no longer a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

Best of all, I’ve proven to myself that I can do anything.  I’m no longer a worry to myself, my family, or my friends.

So today, at 116.5 pounds lighter than one year ago, I celebrate.  I’m celebrating by going to work and wearing fun, girly clothing, with good hair and makeup.  I’m celebrating by going to my weekly weigh-in.  I’m celebrating by eating completely on my plan (because I still have a bit more weight I want to lose), and I’m celebrating by continuing to share my journey with you.

Many times I’ve mentioned thanks in my blog, and today will be no different.  I’m eternally grateful to the following people (in no particular order):

  • my mom and dad
  • my extended family
  • my friends (especially Kyle, Sandhya, David, Katie, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, Mike, Kim, Sharon, Gus, Brian, Kevin, Sade, Lynda, Sarah & family, Euretha, Sue, the Call Someone Who Cares Singers, Megan, and Terri)
  • Suzanne with Ideal Protein
  • my boyfriend, Steve, who thinks I’m beautiful inside and out and tells me all the time
  • the Sparkpeople Ideal Protein community
  • you (my stalkers)

I don’t know what the future holds, as I know the next year I will begin maintenance and that new phase of my life.  But I do know one thing for certain….I will never, hear me now, NEVER weigh over 200 pounds again.  And I put this in writing because I feel 100% about my ability to never get to such a dark place that I will let myself.  I will have slips.  I will have down times.  I will have times I eat for comfort.  I will have times I have to slay the dragon.  But I know for sure that I will always reign it in within 10 pounds.  I have a great support network that will help keep me accountable, and I will continue to rely on them, as well as rely on myself.

Because after all, I’ve lost 116.5 pounds.  I can do anything.

And so can you.

Motivation and loving yourself

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Well kids, it’s not easy, is it?

Last night I ate some ice cream.  Now it’s a 48 hour binge.  Back on track today.  *#%$!

Why did I eat the ice cream?  Because I wanted to.  And because I had some late night fun activity that made me ravenous.

I should have had space food.

Today is a new day!  I have to protect Johnny Depp!  I have to protect humankind from aliens!  I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!

I will do this.

On to other news, I’m painting my bathrooms this weekend and I’m really looking forward to it!!!!!!!  Yay!!!!!!!  And I’m being serious, not sarcastic.

Woot woot to me!

This is how I feel

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Read an interesting article about being in love as a middle-aged person.  OK, I don’t know if my 39 or his 47 qualifies as middle-aged, but I think the content is interesting for two divorced people.

Why Middle Age Is the Best Time to Fall in Love: we couldn’t have been in love with each other at any other time in our lives — only right now by Larry Carlat

The part I like the best is “The best way I can describe it is that it feels at once effortless and rock solid, unbearably light with unfathomable depth, surprising yet richly deserved, like we first met and have known each other forever, which again is the circuitous way of saying that it rocks to be this old.”

The only thing I would change is the final word “old”, which I would change to “age”.

I’m in love, and I know exactly the moment I knew, although that information has not been shared with him, and he would probably guess the wrong moment….as it was nothing obvious.

I believe that love is something that grows, and it’s depth is not black or white…instead love is all of the shades of grey.  But love as a noun, as a “thing”, is black and white, at least to me.  This morning on my drive in to work I thought about this analogy…..love is at first a puddle of water and each time it rains (aka the passage of time and shared experiences) the puddle grows…until eventually it’s a pond, a river, a lake, then an ocean.  But the puddle as a “thing” is love.

I share words of love freely, as everyone in my family does, and I make no apologies for saying it when I say it.  I say it to friends, although it means something different, and they know it means something different.  But when I tell my love interest I love him…..he knows what I mean.

A lot of men have trouble saying it.  They are better demonstrators.  For a plethora of reasons both known and unknown, my guy hasn’t said the words yet.  And that is ok.  I can wait.  I can be very patient.  But he shows me all the time.  All the time.  A lot of times people interpret depth of love as black and white….and that they shouldn’t utter the words until love for them is a lake or an ocean.  And that’s ok.  We are all individuals.  What is important is the demonstration of love.

How does he demonstrate his love?  Some of the ways are:

  • calling me every day
  • seeing me almost every day
  • asking me questions about my diet even if he constantly forgets what I can and cannot eat or drink
  • putting air in my tires
  • simply noticing my tires needed air
  • bringing over goop to fix a scratch in my car
  • helping me do house things….grocery shopping, put my porch together, etc….
  • bonding with my cats and knowing their names (no easy feat)
  • developing a relationship with my mom (which has also been no easy feat)
  • bringing me up-to-speed on cutting-edge television shows such as “I Dream of Jeannie” and “The Odd Couple”
  • wanting me to watch the shows with him instead of napping (sorry about that) or reading a book
  • going to the botanic garden and pretending to be somewhat interested in what we saw there
  • planning our trip….and I mean planning every last moment of our trip
  • not getting frustrated with me when I tell him so often how much I care about him and enjoy being with him
  • telling me how cute/hot/pretty/blonde/whatever I am
  • and many other things………

How do I show him?  Again, women tend to be more verbally expressive, but I’ve tried to demonstrate in the following ways….

  • stepping back and allowing him to do things for me that I’ve done by myself for years….and yes, it’s really fabulous to have someone who wants to help you
  • upgrading my cable package so he has more to choose from even though I would be perfectly fine with only network television
  • giving him space….although he hasn’t needed much of it
  • not placing demands on him
  • letting him announce that I was his girlfriend before I officially called him my boyfriend (strangers on a plane don’t count, especially because he didn’t know)
  • showing my vulnerability and letting him take care of me because he is wired to need that in his important relationships

What I know for sure is the following……

I have not dated much at this weight, and have not dated at this weight in 20 years.  But I have dated.  I’ve met plenty of men….some for just one meeting at a coffee shop….but a lot of men.  And I’ve learned from all of it.  And even though life is new to me, being a thinner, healthier person….my spirit and soul have been with me for 39 years.  And I know who is good for me, and who is good to me.  And I know the man in my life now is good for me and good to me.  And I am good for him and good to him.  We are both lucky.

Tomorrow makes 8 weeks of dating.  Only 8 weeks.  But goodness we’ve spent so much time together in those weeks.  I feel like I’ve known him 8 months instead of 8 weeks.  Not unlike what the article described.

I don’t know where we are headed.  I could make a guess, but that is for another day.  But I do know that for me, right now, he is the perfect man for me, flaws and all.

And that is definitely a puddle heading towards a pond…..and eventually an ocean.

Maybe.

😉