Tag Archives: sugar

The Journey Gets Real

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Somehow I knocked myself out of ketosis, and it can only be one of two things, of which I will get to.

And I know I knocked myself out, not because of ketostix (peeing on a stick), because after a few days my body simply uses ketones efficiently, and there is never enough in my urine to get a reading.  I know because I hopped on the scale this morning and I was 5 pounds heavier…..and my time of the month is over.  So the weight gain is glycogen and water…..aka out of ketosis.

So, how did this happen?  I’m a bit perplexed by this one.  From a pure calories in/calories out perspective, I’m still way under my BMR daily needs.  From a carb/net carb perspective I’m under 40 carbs per day (and my threshold at least used to be 50-55).

The only things I did differently this week are 1) chew gum (sugar-free) like its my job and 2) added some unsweetened almond milk to my protein shakes along with some PB2.

As for the gum…..I’m talking 20-40 pieces per day.  And while it’s sugar-free, it has one carb per piece, and has the dreaded artificial sweetener which can fake your body into producing insulin as well as make you hungry.  Well, it was certainly making me hungry.  Like rendering the appetite suppressant useless kind of hunger.  I was eating more protein/more calories to satisfy my hunger.  Thursday night I actually threw out all the gum I had in my possession, and will not be purchasing more until I’m at goal weight, and maybe never.  It’s possible that gum is a gateway drug/trigger for me…..so I have to stay away.  It helps to have it to keep my mouth busy with chewing, as well as having something really sweet….but I have to go back to drinking hot coffee/tea with a little artificial sweetener or a PowerAde Zero for a sweet fix.

As for the almond milk….well I use Silk Vanilla UNSWEETENED Almond Milk, which is less than 1 carb per serving, 30 calories per serving, and one serving is 8 ounces.  So I’ve been adding almond milk to my shakes to add a little extra flavor and texture.  Then I’ve also added 1 TBSP of PB2 here and there to my shakes (and 1 TBSP is only 4 carbs)….again, I’ve accounted for the carbs in all of this……so all I can figure is my body is faked out by the sweetness, even artificial that it is, and it’s now out of ketosis.

So my plan going forward is the following:

1.  No more gum.  Threw it all out Thursday night, so haven’t had any since then.

2.  No more almond milk in shakes (a little in coffee is ok) and no more PB2 in shakes until I see weight loss, then I will limit it to a “treat” and in smaller quantities (perhaps only 4oz of almond milk in a shake per day, and 1 teaspoon of PB2 once a day.

Weight loss and weight maintenance are not perfect.  Even these accidental slip-ups can make a person feel down on themselves, but I don’t let it get me down for long.  I know it was truly an accident, so I’ve analyzed what could be the culprit(s) and have a plan to go forward.  It’s all I can do.

Over and out!

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I would like those donuts

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Back in the office today and someone brought in donuts for the department.  Add to the fact that every day I’m surrounded by chocolate……

Ugh.

Today is day 4.  I have felt physically terrible since Sunday morning….and to top it all off I weighed 207.9 this morning (.9 more than yesterday).  I’m having a lot of gastrointestinal distress from the change of eating, so perhaps that is what is causing the gain.  Whatever.  I haven’t strayed from the plan.  The plan just sucks.  It always does.

So of course the addict in me wants sugar.  Badly.  I want to feel better.  A dopamine fix.  Disregard the fact that sugar withdrawal is why I’m sitting here feeling so physically “blah”.  But there is a big part of my psyche that wants to say “screw it”.  

I can’t.  I won’t.  I don’t have it in me to go through withdrawals AGAIN so soon, if I was to go ahead and have sugar today.  It would be a temporary fix for a permanent issue.

I just don’t know why I couldn’t have been someone who eats to live.  I’m dating one of those people right now.  Not only does he tend to be thin anyway, but even when he eats he only eats moderate amounts.  And believe me, he only eats junk.  Now I know eating junk is not good for anyone.  I just wish that when I ate junk it didn’t set me off on a spiral of eating more and more and more.  He eats junk, maybe not even everything on his plate, and then doesn’t think about eating again for several hours.

I hate being an addict.  I really and truly hate it.  

I’m great at losing weight. I suck at maintaining it.

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Enough with the proclamations already, huh?  Last post on June 20th has such a naive quality about it……how cute.

Since June 20th I’ve made poor food choices and gained weight.  I’ve also gone on another quick trip to Vegas (sort of related, but not completely).

How much weight have I gained?  I struggle with coming completely clean because there is one person in my life I don’t want to know….but there are so many of you that rely on my complete transparency that I feel I should just lay it out there.

This morning I weighed in at 211.6.  For real.  Did I really gain 25 pounds in a month?  Did that really happen?  Fake weight, water weight, inflammation, hormones, whatever.  Point is my pants are tight and the scale says what it says.

I’ve written a lot about sugar and how evil it is.  I’ve decided that sugar is at the root of my addiction and must be eliminated for now.

I’ve gone to some online OA meetings (Overeaters Anonymous) and they use the 12 steps and tenets of “Not forever, but not today” or something like that.  So I’m back to that mantra.

My dad always says “today is the first day of the rest of your life”.  So I guess proclaiming this as Day 1 (again) is ok, because every day is Day 1 to a degree, right?

🙂

This post is going to be long and rambling.  Hang in there with me, please.

This is my plan for the short-term…..eat under 55 carbs per day (like I’m on Ideal Protein) to get under 200 so my clothes fit better.  Once I’m under 200 I will reevaluate and may add in some Ezekiel bread, almonds, and fruit and switch to more of a calorie-counting plan. 

I will not eat any refined sugar until I reach 170/160 (whatever my goal is).  I WILL allow myself some fruit, some carbs, nuts, and cheese once I’m under 200.  I WILL NOT be using Ideal Protein products because I’m simply tired of spending the money.  I will use EAS whey protein for my protein shakes in the morning & for lunch.  As for supplements, I’m rationing what I have left from IP, and will use my own once I run out.

I’m going to win this war.  While I love sugar, and I love being able to go out for ice cream in the summer…..I love looking & feeling fit more.  So here we go!

This is all part of the journey.  I’m proud of myself that I only allowed myself to get to 211.  I could have kept eating and gaining.  But I don’t like how I look and I don’t like how I feel.  So that’s that.

I just have to get through the first 2-3 days and I’ll be home free.  🙂  My body will rebel with headaches, etc….but then I will feel great again, and I can’t wait!!!

Another thing that irritates me about sugar is it makes me sweat.  I sweat way less when I’m off of sugar.

What am I doing about exercise in the meantime?  Nothing while I’m getting my body into ketosis and losing the first 12 pounds or so.  Once I’m under 200 and introducing more carbs/fruits I will begin my running again.

Okey dokey?

Getting to the bottom of the sugar craze

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OK Lori, this post is for you.

You and I are not the only ones who binge on sugar after leaving IP.  You and I are not the only ones who were former salt/carb addicts, and now mysteriously only want sugar.

So there’s got to be something there.

Before IP I would not pass up dessert.  What 300 pound person passes up dessert?  But at 300 pounds I craved pizza, pasta, bread, rice, chips, etc….and dessert just topped it all off.  But now, as a 185-205 pound person whenever I leave the no sugar/low carb plan of Ideal Protein it’s like I can’t get enough sugar.

I can pass by pizza, pasta, bread, rice, chips, etc…..I can make “healthy” meal choices…a la proteins and non-starchy veggies.  But I can eat desserts like the end of the world is coming.

Let me tell you what I ate yesterday……

  • 4 big cookies at a work meeting.
  • 1 big dish of Yogurtland
  • 2 Weight Watchers desserts (yeah, funny, right?)
  • 1 box, yes box, yes the entire box, of Girl Scout thin mints from the freezer

This was after I knew I was going back “on plan” today.

And believe me, there have been a few days over the last 2 weeks where my sugar eating has been that way…..where I get a dessert at Culvers only to hit Yogurtland immediately after, and then get a Steak & Shake milkshake a few hours later.  Oh yeah, I said it.

True food addiction behavior.

How could someone who has lost 100 pounds revert to this behavior?  Easy.  It’s an addiction.

My mother has always been a fan of Robert Downey Jr., who very publicly struggled with drug addiction.  Whenever she says to me “just stop it!” I ask her if she would have said that to Robert Downey Jr.  For that moment she “gets it”, but then will say “just stop it” a week later so obviously she doesn’t really “get it”.

The addiction is like having an out-of-body experience.  I can sit there knowing I shouldn’t eat the item but I eat it anyway.  I know I’m putting my health at risk.  I know I’m putting my waistline and clothes fitting at risk.  I know I’m putting my relationship at risk (he didn’t sign up for dating an obese woman, and that’s never been a secret).  And yet I still eat the item.

Until the health community and society-at-large recognizes food addiction as a real thing plaguing so many of us, it’s going to be even more difficult to get the help we really need.

So back to my original thought……why do so many of us (most of us? all of us?) who leave Ideal Protein (or other no sugar/low carb diets) go absolutely batshit berserk for sugar when we used to be salt freaks?  Is it the deprivation?  What is it????

Hopefully we will figure this out, and more importantly, find a way to incorporate *some* amount of “reasonable” sugar back into our lives without it triggering some crazy addiction behavior.

Because all I want is the ability to enjoy a Yogurtland a couple of times a week on a summer night and not have the binges that I do now.

The Day After Christmas (or is it Groundhogs Day?)

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OMG.  Day 1 again.  For real.

I know better than to make such a huge pronouncement of “this is the last day 1….”  Just like at work when you jinx any document by calling it final.  Ugh.

Huge huge huge stress at home.  It is neverending.  Don’t want to blog about it.  It’s just crazy.  And last night I caved, ate some sugar, threw myself out of ketosis, and back to day 1 I go.

I feel like a piece of poo.  Headache, tired, sluggish.  Just like December 26th, 2012 when I ate off plan for the first day since May 30th, 2012.  Also just like December 26th, 2012….I will get right back on the wagon and declare Monday, May 20th, 2013 day 1 again.  Not too much damage was done….just the usual bloating and headache, and days to get back into ketosis. 

Sigh.

I guess it’s good I know it’s stress eating.  At least I’m consciously realizing I’m gorging on sugar to have a temporary relief from stress.

I’m not going to call this day 1.  I’m going to call this I have no idea what.  Do I need to call it anything?

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Moderator or Abstainer?

Unfortunately, it seems I am an abstainer.

When I went to Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago I did indulge in a few buffets. I pretty much avoided rice, pasta, bread…….I would eat protein and veggies….but then I would PIG OUT on sweets.

What I have noticed is when I weighed 300 pounds, while I would not pass up desserts, I actually preferred the pastas/pizzas/rices/breads. Now, when I eat “off plan” I could not care less about pastas/pizzas/rices/breads but cannot get enough sugar.

It seems that now all sugar, in any form, even fruits, are a trigger food for me. That is going to be my biggest challenge with maintenance when I finally get there.