Tag Archives: self-improvement

Really ladies? This was not my experience at all…..

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So in today’s Chicago Sun-Times, Cheryl Lavin’s column showcases two women who are “plus-sized and popular”.  http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/lavin/19876622-452/advice-from-women-who-are-both-plus-sized-and-popular.html

Really?  Not my experience at all.  At all.  At.  All.

Here in Chicago the only men I found who like the larger ladies are:

  1. Losers (no job, bad teeth, outrageously homely, etc…)
  2. Freakishly thin
  3. Men who don’t mind having sex with the woman, but don’t want to be seen in public with the woman
  4. So obese themselves it’s actually a turn-off for the obese woman who knows at some point she’ll get her act together and will need to be with someone who will eat a vegetable at least once a week.

More power to the women who can actually find the unicorn-of-a-man who “loves me for me”….but I don’t buy it.  Not one iota.  I’ve always been cool.  I’ve always been smart, fun, funny, goofy, responsible, loyal, interesting, positive, pleasant, and kind.  However, that didn’t get me any kind of quality man.  It took losing over 100 pounds and having some self-worth to find that quality man.  The good news for me is he wasn’t available until I lost the weight anyway.  Sometimes timing just works out that way.  Last May as I began my journey toward health he was beginning his own journey towards his own big life changes….and the timing dovetailed quite nicely into finding each other exactly when we were supposed to.

Again, my obese friends don’t want to hear this….but I get to write about my experience as having once weighed over 300 pounds that you have a better chance at finding a quality man when you are a size 16 or less (I’m on the edge of 12/14 currently).  Let’s do the math, shall we?

Over 30 most men are married.  Therefore your population decreases significantly.  From that, subtract out the gay men.  Next subtract out the men you personally do not find appealing for whatever reason.  Then you have to subtract out the men who don’t like “plus-sized” women.  You are now at a very small percentage.  Very small indeed.

I know a woman who has never been married, but really wants to be.  She is pushing 40.  She is smart, attractive, educated, and has a good career.  Unfortunately she is severely obese, just like I was a year ago.  It’s going to be incredibly difficult for her to find a husband of any quality until she loses some weight.  Go ahead and talk about how terrible that is….but it’s human nature….and I didn’t create this situation, I’m just now figuring out that life is much easier if you quit fighting the nature of humankind and simply play within the parameters.

And ladies (because I know it’s mostly women reading my blog), the real key to getting a quality man is to have all of it…..taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.  A man does indeed want someone who can string some sentences together and make him laugh.  But he needs to also like what he’s looking at at the same time.  And really, can you blame him?  Women are much more forgiving of men….that is well-known.  But given everything, most women with 2 brain cells in her head would prefer an average to above-average looking man with morals, a brain, and a moderate income as over Shrek with a lot of money.

The moral of the story is this:  go ahead and stay fat and unhappy and attracting the wrong type of guy, or lose some weight and have so many benefits you can’t possibly count them all, least of which is having way more quality men to choose from.

And I would know.

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The past is past

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A friend of mine just got divorced at the age of 49, after contemplating it several times over the last decade, and after being with the person for 30 years.  She’s had to work through a lot of thoughts of wishing she had divorced 10 years ago, 20 years ago, whatever.

And I always tell her that at least she did it at the age of 49 and not 59.  She agrees, and we move on.

However, I’ve had more and more of these thoughts recently.  What would my life have been like had I looked and felt this good at 25, 30, 35?  Would I be married?  Would I have children?  Would I be a professional musician?

A person can go mad if they let themselves ruminate on these types of thoughts for too long.  I am who I am because of all of my choices, and the choices of those around me.  I’m a product of coincidence and my own creation.  No matter what, I can’t change anything that has happened. I can only try to guide my future….and even the future is not completely in my control.

Perhaps I’m not supposed to be married now or ever again.  Perhaps I’m not supposed to have children now or ever.  Perhaps I’m supposed to be doing exactly what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.

Being married and having children is not all it’s cracked up to be.  If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I love my husband….but I would never do it again” or “I love my kids….but I would never do it again” I would at least be able to buy several coffees at Starbucks.

I’m just trying to be the best me I can.  There is only one me.  In the last few years I’ve worked really hard at loving myself, forgiving myself and others, letting go, etc….and the culmination of that work brought me to May 30th, 2012.  And now life is just so good I can barely stand it!

Yay for me!  Yep.  Yay for me!  

Guess it’s time for bed.  Later peeps.