Tag Archives: running

What’s up?

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OK, I’ve been quiet recently.  A lot of stress both personally and professionally.  Personally is all about the growing pains I’ve had with my mom given that I have a relationship now.  Professionally I can’t write about.

Any of my stalkers know the trials and tribulations I’ve had during these last pounds (200 down to whatever) since January.  Up and down and back and forth and on and off.

I’ve made the decision to go off of Ideal Protein and do the last 30 pounds on my own.  With exercise.  With occasional frozen yogurt and margaritas and corn on the cob.  If it takes me a year to lose the 30 pounds, oh well.

I can no longer deprive myself of carbs, and of foods that everyone else on earth eats.  7 months of solid Ideal Protein, and 6 months of back and forth……enough already.  Enough with the money spent.  Enough with the eating one thing “off plan” and gaining 5 pounds of glycogen.  

After all, maintenance is not supposed to include IP foods, so I’m doing the rest my way.

Yes, I’ve declared this before.  But I mean it this time.

Now, the last couple of weeks I did the typical eating crazy amounts of sugar, which seems to be what people do when they go off plan.  It’s got to be because of the deprivation.  I’m starting to feel a bit more stable with the crazy “feed me sugar”, so that’s good.  

This week I’m not calorie-counting.  I’m simply trying to be mindful, but I’m not doing so well with that.  I’m just over 200 again (yes, a couple of weeks ago I hit 185)….but so much of it is glycogen, inflammation, and water retention.  Once I stabilize, and stop eating sugar sugar sugar this should improve.

Tonight I went to the gym and did Week 1, Day 1 of Couch-to-5K.  I figured I should start over, and it felt so good.  Then I did an hour on strength machines.

So that is what has been going on.  I’ve been internally struggling, and then internally embarrassed by the weight gain/fluctuations.  But, as I’ve said before, it’s all part of the journey.  I’m not giving up, I’m simply modifying my route.

I will never give up. It’s the journey, not the destination.  Perhaps I will never weigh less than 180.  But I want to tighten up, and I want my health to be fabulous.  So that’s that.

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No relief

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Running gave me relief.  On this diet I can’t run.

Unfortunately this diet is making me crazy.  And work is not great right now.  So I need the stress-relief.

For 38 years my stress-relief was food.  I can’t have food.  I can’t run.

All I’m doing is sleeping, crying, being overly emotional, and a crazy mess.

Fun, huh?  I’m a regular joy to be around currently.

I am really upset

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I’m just sick of being on this diet.  Nothing tastes good to me anymore.  If I have another piece of bland chicken, or another green vegetable with nothing on it besides salt, or another protein drink….I think I might vomit.

I’m so weary.  I’m so tired of being able to order maybe 2 things on any menu, and still having to customize the order.  And I’m tired of not being able to drink anything besides water and coffee (but only 1 oz of skim milk….God forbid you have more than 1 oz of skim milk per day in your coffee).  I want a diet soda now and then.  I want a margarita now and then.  For Memorial Day I would like to eat a bun with my hamburger or hot dog, and put ketchup on it, and eat potato salad and chips and baked beans.  Guess what?  Other than the ground beef I can’t eat any of it!!!!!!!  Not one bit of it!!!!!!!  Fun Memorial Day picnic, huh?

All of this for 20 more pounds.  I hate weight.  I hate that most men only want to be with thin women.  I hate that most women have serious issues with their bodies and with food because men only want to be with thin women.  And I hate that I will never be thin.  The best I can do is to just not be fat.  But I’ll never be able to wear a bikini.  Never.  Not unless I win the lottery and can have skin removal surgery.  It’s just my punishment for being such a terrible, flawed person who medicated herself with food and now I live in a shell of a body that will never look right no matter how much weight I lose.

I hate broccoli and cauliflower.  I hate almost all vegetables.  I can’t stand eating healthy foods, but I enjoy feeling healthy.  Healthy foods taste terrible.  All of the people who say their tastes change after eating healthy and losing weight are LIARS.

I hate that I have a food addiction.  I hate it when there are people who do not have addiction and cannot understand understand or empathize with addiction.  If I could simply “watch what I eat” or “not care about food” then I wouldn’t have ever gotten to 327 pounds at my heaviest.

I hate that I have no coping mechanisms.  Running was great, but then it got in the way of the precious Ideal Protein diet.  I will never understand how physical activity can counteract a diet…..but I’m living proof that it can….because I ran from January – April and lost only 10 pounds…..and should have been at my goal weight by now.

And I hate my goal weight.  Yes, I picked 170.  But 170 can go to hell.  I hate everything about weight, food, diet, and numbers.

And yes, I used the word hate a lot in this post.  Oh well.

A huge decision

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OK stalkers, here we go. And this is a big one.

Hold on to your hats.

I’ve decided to go back to Ideal Protein Phase 1 full time, and as a purist (no vigorous exercise), until I get the remaining weight off.

By January I was feeling better than I had in my entire adult life and all I wanted to do was move my body. In preparing for the stair climb and my first 5k I did what Ideal Protein says you should not do while in Phase 1: exercise vigorously.

I wanted to be superhuman. I wanted to defeat the odds. I wanted to the be someone who could lose 10-15 pounds per month while on IP Phase 1 and exercising 3-4 times per week.

So I tried.

And I was hungry. All of the time. Since January.

So what changed since January? Exercising. Running 3 times per week. I was starving all of the time. I was drinking coffee all day long (and probably had 3 oz. of skim milk per day instead of just 1 oz per day), chewing sugar free gum all day long, just to get through.

I was also eating 4-5 IP products per day just to get through instead of only 3 IP products.

I was careful to keep my carbs to 50g or less per day, but was eating 1100-1300 calories per day (instead of 750-950). And I was starving because of all of the exercise. So I come before you, after having gained 10 pounds, to announce that I am resuming Ideal Protein Phase 1 with no vigorous exercise until I phase off, once I reach my goal, which my doctor thinks should be 170.

This means I’m going to not run the 5k on April 20th, and I will not run the 5k in mid-June. It will take me 2-3 months to lose my remaining weight, and with all of my stalkers as my witness, I’m going to do it!

So this means I’m just back to strolling in the neighborhood counting dogs and occasionally swinging my clubs. But the running will be there when I get to 170. And it will feel even better.

This, too, is all part of the journey.

I feel such relief that what I’ve been struggling with for the entire 2013 is finally resolved in my brain.

Yeah, I have to shell out money weekly for the weigh-ins and products, but that’s ok.  It’s an investment in me. And I’m so worth it. 😉

Work Spouse chatting

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Amy:  Hi there! I ran on sidewalks yesterday for the first time. Today my heels are bothering me a little bit.

Work Spouse (WS): how’d that treat you? hmmmmmm

Amy: At the time though the run felt a lot like the track. and I stretched after…..and it’s not like plantar fasciatis heel pain….it’s more just maybe because I’m a heel striker (that’s what running store man told me). it’s not pain, it’s just sensitivity, and I notice my heels instead of not noticing

WS: well… there’s sore… and there’s injury

Amy: feels like sore. feels like maybe in a couple of days when I run again I will do it on the track and see what’s what* (*note for blog: yes, I picked up this phrase from one of my stalkers)

WS: being a heel striker, and a new runner, be careful

Amy: how does one be careful

WS: I worry about stress fractures in my heels more than I do in my arches. just listen to your body. if you’re sore – don’t push it. there’s a WALK this weekend at the same place. we wont look out of place if we’re walking instead of jogging

Amy: No way Jose. I’m doing this. I’m not injured, just sensitive. I promise. I won’t run again for a couple of days, and I’ll run the track. If I don’t run outside again until the big day, that’s fine. The point was to know that I could do it.

WS: ok. who’s Jose ?

Amy: great question

Then later, at the end of a discussion regarding WS interviewing for an internal position at our company…..

Amy: you are ready for this. and would inject greatness into that group and into you. nothing like a boost to reinvigorate passion for where you are. just make sure to shower and wear matching clothes

WS: whoa! showering is NOT in the job description

Amy: perhaps not explicitly, but trust me on that

Nobody died

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Today I ran 2-ish miles outside.  In the world.  As in not on a treadmill or a track.  And nobody tripped and/or died.

I didn’t want to do more than 2-ish miles my first time out in the world.  I did it in under 30 minutes, so I will have no problem doing a 5k in 45 minutes or less.

People tell me I should feel free to walk a little too, because they are 5k run/walk.  But I’m a perfectionist, and I feel if it’s a run, then I want to run.  Even if I’m the last one in.  Which I won’t be.  And if I am, well, whatevs.

Not enough hours in the day

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My mom told me I need to prioritize sleep.  That is her nice way of saying I need to be home more.  First it was “The cats miss you”, now it’s “you are running yourself ragged and need more sleep now that you are running a 5k.”

OK.  There is truth to this.

In other news, my head is spinning with all of the stuff I can do at work.  CRAZY busy!  Opportunities galore.