Tag Archives: mother

A very nice day overall

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I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.  Boyfriend has kidney stones, and he was up with pain.  I was up with grief.  While today was my 2nd Mother’s Day without mom being here physically with me, in many ways it was harder.  Last year we had mom’s memorial service the day before Mother’s Day (Saturday, May 10th), and Sunday May 11th I spent time with 2 of my mom’s first cousins, which helped tremendously.  Last night I was just sad.  The old thoughts come back of “did I do enough for my mom?”  I know I did, and I know nothing would ever feel like enough.  The best thing I have found to do for myself when grief happens in the middle of the night is to distract myself by watching television.  I do allow myself some time to think, but I try to do it more during daylight hours, when grief is easier to deal with.

Today I had a lovely day with my boyfriend and his mother.  I never had the chance to get to know my mother-in-law, when I had one, so this whole spending time with a significant others family is still new to me.  I’m happy to say that we had a very nice few hours together.  She is a very warm, very intelligent woman and I look forward to getting to know her more over time.

Oh, and today’s weigh in on my own scale showed a 5 pound drop……so heading in the right direction again.  Hunger is way under control, so I can firmly say I am living proof that too much of artificial sweeteners can mess things up and trick your body.

Overall, a fine day.  But I must say that I’m glad Mother’s Day is over.

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Growing pains

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My weight loss has affected those around me in interesting ways.

There is the obvious positive effects, but there are some negative ones too.

It’s been extremely difficult bridging to being a “normal” 39-year old adult woman whose mother lives with her.  And no, my mother does not read my blog.  For many personal family reasons which I will not delve into here, there are a lot of issues in my life that contributed to my becoming a food addict.  My mother and I have a co-dependent relationship, which was only exacerbated by the fact that I lived the life of a spinster in the last 6 years since my divorce, and led a very low-key non-active lifestyle my entire adult life.

It’s been very difficult for her to get used to my being “out and about” more.  Very difficult.  It’s been extremely difficult for her having a man around the house often (with my now being in a relationship).

This has been so heavy on my heart the last 3 months.  It’s taken away from the joy I should be feeling with this new relationship.  It’s been so stressful that this is actually the biggest reason why I’ve gotten derailed over the last 3 months.

I’m not derailed currently….Wednesday will mark 2 full weeks back on plan.  I do not plan on getting derailed, and quite frankly, if the last 2 days did not derail me, then I should be able to get through anything short of an alien invasion (why do I always mention alien invasions?).

I’m just tired of fighting.