Tag Archives: love

This is how I feel

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Read an interesting article about being in love as a middle-aged person.  OK, I don’t know if my 39 or his 47 qualifies as middle-aged, but I think the content is interesting for two divorced people.

Why Middle Age Is the Best Time to Fall in Love: we couldn’t have been in love with each other at any other time in our lives — only right now by Larry Carlat

The part I like the best is “The best way I can describe it is that it feels at once effortless and rock solid, unbearably light with unfathomable depth, surprising yet richly deserved, like we first met and have known each other forever, which again is the circuitous way of saying that it rocks to be this old.”

The only thing I would change is the final word “old”, which I would change to “age”.

I’m in love, and I know exactly the moment I knew, although that information has not been shared with him, and he would probably guess the wrong moment….as it was nothing obvious.

I believe that love is something that grows, and it’s depth is not black or white…instead love is all of the shades of grey.  But love as a noun, as a “thing”, is black and white, at least to me.  This morning on my drive in to work I thought about this analogy…..love is at first a puddle of water and each time it rains (aka the passage of time and shared experiences) the puddle grows…until eventually it’s a pond, a river, a lake, then an ocean.  But the puddle as a “thing” is love.

I share words of love freely, as everyone in my family does, and I make no apologies for saying it when I say it.  I say it to friends, although it means something different, and they know it means something different.  But when I tell my love interest I love him…..he knows what I mean.

A lot of men have trouble saying it.  They are better demonstrators.  For a plethora of reasons both known and unknown, my guy hasn’t said the words yet.  And that is ok.  I can wait.  I can be very patient.  But he shows me all the time.  All the time.  A lot of times people interpret depth of love as black and white….and that they shouldn’t utter the words until love for them is a lake or an ocean.  And that’s ok.  We are all individuals.  What is important is the demonstration of love.

How does he demonstrate his love?  Some of the ways are:

  • calling me every day
  • seeing me almost every day
  • asking me questions about my diet even if he constantly forgets what I can and cannot eat or drink
  • putting air in my tires
  • simply noticing my tires needed air
  • bringing over goop to fix a scratch in my car
  • helping me do house things….grocery shopping, put my porch together, etc….
  • bonding with my cats and knowing their names (no easy feat)
  • developing a relationship with my mom (which has also been no easy feat)
  • bringing me up-to-speed on cutting-edge television shows such as “I Dream of Jeannie” and “The Odd Couple”
  • wanting me to watch the shows with him instead of napping (sorry about that) or reading a book
  • going to the botanic garden and pretending to be somewhat interested in what we saw there
  • planning our trip….and I mean planning every last moment of our trip
  • not getting frustrated with me when I tell him so often how much I care about him and enjoy being with him
  • telling me how cute/hot/pretty/blonde/whatever I am
  • and many other things………

How do I show him?  Again, women tend to be more verbally expressive, but I’ve tried to demonstrate in the following ways….

  • stepping back and allowing him to do things for me that I’ve done by myself for years….and yes, it’s really fabulous to have someone who wants to help you
  • upgrading my cable package so he has more to choose from even though I would be perfectly fine with only network television
  • giving him space….although he hasn’t needed much of it
  • not placing demands on him
  • letting him announce that I was his girlfriend before I officially called him my boyfriend (strangers on a plane don’t count, especially because he didn’t know)
  • showing my vulnerability and letting him take care of me because he is wired to need that in his important relationships

What I know for sure is the following……

I have not dated much at this weight, and have not dated at this weight in 20 years.  But I have dated.  I’ve met plenty of men….some for just one meeting at a coffee shop….but a lot of men.  And I’ve learned from all of it.  And even though life is new to me, being a thinner, healthier person….my spirit and soul have been with me for 39 years.  And I know who is good for me, and who is good to me.  And I know the man in my life now is good for me and good to me.  And I am good for him and good to him.  We are both lucky.

Tomorrow makes 8 weeks of dating.  Only 8 weeks.  But goodness we’ve spent so much time together in those weeks.  I feel like I’ve known him 8 months instead of 8 weeks.  Not unlike what the article described.

I don’t know where we are headed.  I could make a guess, but that is for another day.  But I do know that for me, right now, he is the perfect man for me, flaws and all.

And that is definitely a puddle heading towards a pond…..and eventually an ocean.

Maybe.

😉

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Quote

Then I love you

If seeing the beauty of life through your eyes
Is love
Then I love you
If needing you and wanting you
Is love
Then I love you
If growth comes to mind when I think of you
Is love
Then I love you
If I cannot picture life with anyone but you
Is love
Then I love you
If trusting you with my heart
Is love
Then I love you
If trusting you with my thoughts
Is love
Then I love you
If putting you before me
Is love
Then I love you
If everything is you
Is love
Then I love you
If writing this poem for you
Is love
Then I love you
If loving you
Is love
Then I love you
If every part of misses you
Is love
Then I love you
If smiling when I see you
Is love
Then I love you
If being lonely without you
Is love
Then I love you
If every word is meant and felt
Is love
Then I love you
If dreaming of you everyday
Is love
Then I love you
If appreciating what life can offer
Is love
Then I love you
If being a better person just for you
Is love
Then I love you
If dreams can come true
Is love
Then I love you
If making you my number one
Is love
Then I love you
If swallowing my pride
Is love
Then I love you
If the best is what I want
Is love
Then I love you

Neo Molefe Wa Peloeahae Peloeahae

Then I love you…

The past is past

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A friend of mine just got divorced at the age of 49, after contemplating it several times over the last decade, and after being with the person for 30 years.  She’s had to work through a lot of thoughts of wishing she had divorced 10 years ago, 20 years ago, whatever.

And I always tell her that at least she did it at the age of 49 and not 59.  She agrees, and we move on.

However, I’ve had more and more of these thoughts recently.  What would my life have been like had I looked and felt this good at 25, 30, 35?  Would I be married?  Would I have children?  Would I be a professional musician?

A person can go mad if they let themselves ruminate on these types of thoughts for too long.  I am who I am because of all of my choices, and the choices of those around me.  I’m a product of coincidence and my own creation.  No matter what, I can’t change anything that has happened. I can only try to guide my future….and even the future is not completely in my control.

Perhaps I’m not supposed to be married now or ever again.  Perhaps I’m not supposed to have children now or ever.  Perhaps I’m supposed to be doing exactly what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.

Being married and having children is not all it’s cracked up to be.  If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I love my husband….but I would never do it again” or “I love my kids….but I would never do it again” I would at least be able to buy several coffees at Starbucks.

I’m just trying to be the best me I can.  There is only one me.  In the last few years I’ve worked really hard at loving myself, forgiving myself and others, letting go, etc….and the culmination of that work brought me to May 30th, 2012.  And now life is just so good I can barely stand it!

Yay for me!  Yep.  Yay for me!  

Guess it’s time for bed.  Later peeps.