Read an interesting article about being in love as a middle-aged person. OK, I don’t know if my 39 or his 47 qualifies as middle-aged, but I think the content is interesting for two divorced people.
The part I like the best is “The best way I can describe it is that it feels at once effortless and rock solid, unbearably light with unfathomable depth, surprising yet richly deserved, like we first met and have known each other forever, which again is the circuitous way of saying that it rocks to be this old.”
The only thing I would change is the final word “old”, which I would change to “age”.
I’m in love, and I know exactly the moment I knew, although that information has not been shared with him, and he would probably guess the wrong moment….as it was nothing obvious.
I believe that love is something that grows, and it’s depth is not black or white…instead love is all of the shades of grey. But love as a noun, as a “thing”, is black and white, at least to me. This morning on my drive in to work I thought about this analogy…..love is at first a puddle of water and each time it rains (aka the passage of time and shared experiences) the puddle grows…until eventually it’s a pond, a river, a lake, then an ocean. But the puddle as a “thing” is love.
I share words of love freely, as everyone in my family does, and I make no apologies for saying it when I say it. I say it to friends, although it means something different, and they know it means something different. But when I tell my love interest I love him…..he knows what I mean.
A lot of men have trouble saying it. They are better demonstrators. For a plethora of reasons both known and unknown, my guy hasn’t said the words yet. And that is ok. I can wait. I can be very patient. But he shows me all the time. All the time. A lot of times people interpret depth of love as black and white….and that they shouldn’t utter the words until love for them is a lake or an ocean. And that’s ok. We are all individuals. What is important is the demonstration of love.
How does he demonstrate his love? Some of the ways are:
- calling me every day
- seeing me almost every day
- asking me questions about my diet even if he constantly forgets what I can and cannot eat or drink
- putting air in my tires
- simply noticing my tires needed air
- bringing over goop to fix a scratch in my car
- helping me do house things….grocery shopping, put my porch together, etc….
- bonding with my cats and knowing their names (no easy feat)
- developing a relationship with my mom (which has also been no easy feat)
- bringing me up-to-speed on cutting-edge television shows such as “I Dream of Jeannie” and “The Odd Couple”
- wanting me to watch the shows with him instead of napping (sorry about that) or reading a book
- going to the botanic garden and pretending to be somewhat interested in what we saw there
- planning our trip….and I mean planning every last moment of our trip
- not getting frustrated with me when I tell him so often how much I care about him and enjoy being with him
- telling me how cute/hot/pretty/blonde/whatever I am
- and many other things………
How do I show him? Again, women tend to be more verbally expressive, but I’ve tried to demonstrate in the following ways….
- stepping back and allowing him to do things for me that I’ve done by myself for years….and yes, it’s really fabulous to have someone who wants to help you
- upgrading my cable package so he has more to choose from even though I would be perfectly fine with only network television
- giving him space….although he hasn’t needed much of it
- not placing demands on him
- letting him announce that I was his girlfriend before I officially called him my boyfriend (strangers on a plane don’t count, especially because he didn’t know)
- showing my vulnerability and letting him take care of me because he is wired to need that in his important relationships
What I know for sure is the following……
I have not dated much at this weight, and have not dated at this weight in 20 years. But I have dated. I’ve met plenty of men….some for just one meeting at a coffee shop….but a lot of men. And I’ve learned from all of it. And even though life is new to me, being a thinner, healthier person….my spirit and soul have been with me for 39 years. And I know who is good for me, and who is good to me. And I know the man in my life now is good for me and good to me. And I am good for him and good to him. We are both lucky.
Tomorrow makes 8 weeks of dating. Only 8 weeks. But goodness we’ve spent so much time together in those weeks. I feel like I’ve known him 8 months instead of 8 weeks. Not unlike what the article described.
I don’t know where we are headed. I could make a guess, but that is for another day. But I do know that for me, right now, he is the perfect man for me, flaws and all.
And that is definitely a puddle heading towards a pond…..and eventually an ocean.