Tag Archives: diet

So why blog? And why did I ever stop?

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Well, when you are on a strict diet plan you have more time.  And with more time becomes more minutes to fill in the day with activities that are not food related.  Plus, it’s therapeutic.

I stopped because once I knew I was gaining weight last year, in mom’s final months, I didn’t have the time, plus I was embarrassed.  I know I shouldn’t be, but I was and am.  I wanted to be one of the success stories.  One of the few who actually did NOT gain the weight back.

But I wasn’t.  Instead I’m one of the many (most) who did.  And I don’t blame Ideal Protein.  No one from IP forced food down my throat.  However, my IP coach did not help.

A friend of mine…a very wise friend….told me from the beginning that I had to be watchful.  That although my coach was a good person, caring, knowledgeable, she still had a product to sell, and an income to maintain.

The products, while of great quality, were simply too damn expensive.  And I have a good job, and no children.  I don’t know who can afford $12/day (food alone, forget supplements! Supplements were another $60/month easily) plus $20 each week with the coaching appointment.

As I was gaining and losing the same 10 pounds for the last 3 months I went to the clinic, instead of saying to me “perhaps we should transition you to maintenance and then if you ever want to lose more weight, then you can resume”.  But no, she kept insisting i had 25 more pounds to lose.  And this was after I was under 200 for the first time in my adult life..

Ugh.

So at least with HCG I take a nasal spray, which my prescription plan picked up all but $25 of.  The rest is food I supply.  And let me tell you, that cost is negligible.  You eat all of 200 grams of lean protein each day, 3-4 cups of restricted list of veggies, 2 small apples, and 4 small melba crackers.  This totals 500 calories per day.

I’m starving.  That’s the downside.  On Ideal Protein I was rarely hungry.  But I’m sure after a few more days I will have completely adjusted.

I have no idea how much weight I’ve lost.  I would prefer to not go on the scale until I complete HCG round 1.  I’m in this for the long haul, and don’t want to get sidetracked by the daily fluctuations.  I know I’m following the diet, and I see the doctor again after this first round to check in, so that’s good enough for me.

 

 

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Here we go again

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Well, mom passed away almost 6 months ago, and after months of poor eating/bingeing, I decided to get my act back together.

I gained a lot of weight back.  A lot.  Not the whole amount, but just 20 pounds shy.  I’m back to having 80-100 pounds to lose.

It finally dawned on me that no amount of ice cream was going to bring my mom back. That grief truly is something that never leaves, you just learn to find a place for it.  I also came to the conclusion that the best way to honor my mom would be to take care of myself physically better than she did for herself.  Mom didn’t have a weight/food problem.  Her problem was smoking, and COPD took her life way too young at 70.

I decided that after going into debt with Ideal Protein I had to try something else.  I know low-carb/no sugar works well, and for overall health is good.  A doctor within my Ob/gyn’s practice used HCG to lose weight, and kept it off.  So I began last Thursday, August 7th.  I don’t know how much I’m going to tout this diet, because they all work, to varying degrees.  The real work is in maintenance, which I always knew, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the last year of my mom’s life, and the stress that would bring, as well as the grief after losing her.

I do know that caring for my mom the last year of her life was not easy, and mourning her death is the hardest thing I will probably ever go through, so I’m hoping maintenance will be easier this go around.

I will have to do more than one round of HCG, with a 6 week break in-between.  The break is a mandatory break with the diet, but according to my doctor, I can still lose weight, just not as fast.  While on HCG a person can lose 30-40 pounds in a month.  So I figure maybe another 15 during the 6 week break, then another 30 with HCG round 2….then with another mandatory break I will either go the rest of the way just low-carb/no sugar, or will do a 3rd round of HCG.

The way the calendar looks is as follows:

  • August 7th – September 15th HCG
  • September 16th – October 27th mandatory break, still low-carb/no sugar
  • October 28th – December 6th HCG round #2
  • December 7th – January 17th 2015 mandatory break, still low-carb/no sugar
  • If needed, HCG round 3 would begin January 18th.

So we are looking at a good 7 months to lose the weight.

And yes, it’s aggressive.  But it’s under a doctor’s watch.  It’s no quicker than Ideal Protein.  Again, the hard part will be maintenance.

Holy Crap on Toast

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WHERE HAVE I BEEN????????

At home.  Eating.

Yeah, sorry to say it, but I fell off the wagon for a while.  So let’s do some catching up, shall we?

What do I weigh now?  I have no idea.  I do know that over the course of some months (June 2013 – January 2014) I went from borderline size 12/14 up to size 18…and those were tight.  I went back on my ideal protein diet (the Ideal Protein diet done my way on the cheap) on Thursday, 1/16.  I had to get through my holidays, which end in the middle of January after my birthday.

I decided not to frighten myself into a depression by stepping on the scale until I’m back in a size 14.  I know how to do this diet.  I know how to lose weight.  I know what I feel like when I’m in ketosis.  I know all of it.  Therefore, I’m not worried about a number.  I just know when I was in a size 14 (almost 12) I was looking great and feeling great…and I have all sorts of summer clothes waiting for me in that size.  I’m bound and determined to wear those clothes when I go on vacation this summer to Vegas with my guy.

Yes, my guy and I are still together.  Yesterday was 10 months.  He’s a good apple, and is very supportive of my journey.  When I’m on my plan, he’s supportive.  When I’m on not my plan he’s not an enabler, and does not judge.  He doesn’t realize this, but he actually helped me get my mind right again when he told me after Thanksgiving and before Christmas that I should probably just not do the diet right now….to give myself some time.  And because I did that I’m now ready again to begin again.

Why did I gain the weight?  I will tell you all about it in the blogs to come.  I’m an emotional eater, and there has been a lot of emotion:  new job, poor health for my mom, adjusting to working from home, worries about other loved ones……

No excuses, but I am an emotional eater, and we knew that.  The good news is while I know I’m well above the 200 mark, I refused to buy any pants that started with a 2 in the size….so even though my 18’s are still snug, they are looser than they were a week ago….and in another few weeks they will be loose, and then in another after that I will be able to put them in a bag and store them.

So hold on…more to come.  Thanks for reading!

Compulsive Overeater

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“Hello, my name is Amy, and I’m a compulsive overeater.”

“Hi Amy”

At this link http://oa12step4coes.org/questions.html you will find a list of 15 questions.  If you answer “Yes” to 3 or more you are, or on your way to becoming, a compulsive overeater.

Here is how I answered the questions.

  1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?  Is the pope Catholic? Yes.
  4. Do you give too much time and thought for food?  Is “all the time” too much time?  Yes.
  5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?  When I’m not on my plan.  So yes.
  6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?  When I’m not on my plan.  So yes.
  8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?  It did more at 300 pounds. But considering I can’t eat/drink what everyone else does else I gain weight quickly, then yes.
  9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?  Until last year and Ideal Protein, yes.
  10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?  I hate those assholes.
  11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?  Yes, however now it’s the truth because I know if I eat low-carb/no sugar I can lose weight.
  12. Do you crave food at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?  Yes.  Late night especially.
  13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?  100% absolute YES.
  14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?  Yes.
  15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?  Yes.

I answered “yes” to all 15 questions.  I always was a perfectionist.  Except I would rather not be a perfectionist addict.

*sigh*

Time to celebrate

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On May 30th, 2012 I began my last diet.  I weighed 304.9 pounds.  I was on 2 medicines for high triglycerides and 1 for high blood pressure.  I used a CPAP machine at night for sleep apnea.  I was personally miserable.  Subjected to discrimination,  I was the 300 pound invisible woman.  I was wearing plus sized/women’s size 3x clothes and a size 28W jeans.  I sweat like a fountain.  I took over-the-counter meds daily for acid reflux.  My knees were tender going down stairs, so I avoided using stairs whenever possible.  I did not wear heels, or skirts/dresses.  I was a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

On May 30th, 2013 I’m still on the diet.  I weighed in this morning at 188.4 pounds.  I’m on no meds for high triglycerides or blood pressure.  I no longer need the CPAP machine.  I’m personally quite happy.  I get better treatment in public, and men make eye contact with me now.  I wear ladies size L/XL, and a size 12/14 pants.  I only sweat now when it’s a high dew point and I’m active.  I only have to take an over-the-counter acid reflux medicine when I’ve had too much indulgence (rarely).  My knees are no longer tender, and I participated in the Fight for Air Stair Climb in March.  Today I’m wearing heels and a skirt.

I’m no longer a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

Best of all, I’ve proven to myself that I can do anything.  I’m no longer a worry to myself, my family, or my friends.

So today, at 116.5 pounds lighter than one year ago, I celebrate.  I’m celebrating by going to work and wearing fun, girly clothing, with good hair and makeup.  I’m celebrating by going to my weekly weigh-in.  I’m celebrating by eating completely on my plan (because I still have a bit more weight I want to lose), and I’m celebrating by continuing to share my journey with you.

Many times I’ve mentioned thanks in my blog, and today will be no different.  I’m eternally grateful to the following people (in no particular order):

  • my mom and dad
  • my extended family
  • my friends (especially Kyle, Sandhya, David, Katie, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, Mike, Kim, Sharon, Gus, Brian, Kevin, Sade, Lynda, Sarah & family, Euretha, Sue, the Call Someone Who Cares Singers, Megan, and Terri)
  • Suzanne with Ideal Protein
  • my boyfriend, Steve, who thinks I’m beautiful inside and out and tells me all the time
  • the Sparkpeople Ideal Protein community
  • you (my stalkers)

I don’t know what the future holds, as I know the next year I will begin maintenance and that new phase of my life.  But I do know one thing for certain….I will never, hear me now, NEVER weigh over 200 pounds again.  And I put this in writing because I feel 100% about my ability to never get to such a dark place that I will let myself.  I will have slips.  I will have down times.  I will have times I eat for comfort.  I will have times I have to slay the dragon.  But I know for sure that I will always reign it in within 10 pounds.  I have a great support network that will help keep me accountable, and I will continue to rely on them, as well as rely on myself.

Because after all, I’ve lost 116.5 pounds.  I can do anything.

And so can you.

A little bit blue

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OK peeps, so on Friday I weighed in at 189.5, and today, without cheating (eating off plan), I weighed in at 191.3.

And no, time of the month happened last week.

Today out of protest to the universe I’m wearing “fat pants” that I have to constantly hike up just because I was feeling spiteful of something because of it.

And as usual, the weather is not helping.

Still eating gum, but gum would stall weight loss, not put weight back on.  So I have no idea on earth what is going on.

It’s just hard to stay positive about it.

In 2 days I will hit a year on Ideal Protein.  I could have been done by now had I just stuck with it this winter.  Ugh.

 

I am really upset

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I’m just sick of being on this diet.  Nothing tastes good to me anymore.  If I have another piece of bland chicken, or another green vegetable with nothing on it besides salt, or another protein drink….I think I might vomit.

I’m so weary.  I’m so tired of being able to order maybe 2 things on any menu, and still having to customize the order.  And I’m tired of not being able to drink anything besides water and coffee (but only 1 oz of skim milk….God forbid you have more than 1 oz of skim milk per day in your coffee).  I want a diet soda now and then.  I want a margarita now and then.  For Memorial Day I would like to eat a bun with my hamburger or hot dog, and put ketchup on it, and eat potato salad and chips and baked beans.  Guess what?  Other than the ground beef I can’t eat any of it!!!!!!!  Not one bit of it!!!!!!!  Fun Memorial Day picnic, huh?

All of this for 20 more pounds.  I hate weight.  I hate that most men only want to be with thin women.  I hate that most women have serious issues with their bodies and with food because men only want to be with thin women.  And I hate that I will never be thin.  The best I can do is to just not be fat.  But I’ll never be able to wear a bikini.  Never.  Not unless I win the lottery and can have skin removal surgery.  It’s just my punishment for being such a terrible, flawed person who medicated herself with food and now I live in a shell of a body that will never look right no matter how much weight I lose.

I hate broccoli and cauliflower.  I hate almost all vegetables.  I can’t stand eating healthy foods, but I enjoy feeling healthy.  Healthy foods taste terrible.  All of the people who say their tastes change after eating healthy and losing weight are LIARS.

I hate that I have a food addiction.  I hate it when there are people who do not have addiction and cannot understand understand or empathize with addiction.  If I could simply “watch what I eat” or “not care about food” then I wouldn’t have ever gotten to 327 pounds at my heaviest.

I hate that I have no coping mechanisms.  Running was great, but then it got in the way of the precious Ideal Protein diet.  I will never understand how physical activity can counteract a diet…..but I’m living proof that it can….because I ran from January – April and lost only 10 pounds…..and should have been at my goal weight by now.

And I hate my goal weight.  Yes, I picked 170.  But 170 can go to hell.  I hate everything about weight, food, diet, and numbers.

And yes, I used the word hate a lot in this post.  Oh well.