Tag Archives: copd

So why blog? And why did I ever stop?

Standard

Well, when you are on a strict diet plan you have more time.  And with more time becomes more minutes to fill in the day with activities that are not food related.  Plus, it’s therapeutic.

I stopped because once I knew I was gaining weight last year, in mom’s final months, I didn’t have the time, plus I was embarrassed.  I know I shouldn’t be, but I was and am.  I wanted to be one of the success stories.  One of the few who actually did NOT gain the weight back.

But I wasn’t.  Instead I’m one of the many (most) who did.  And I don’t blame Ideal Protein.  No one from IP forced food down my throat.  However, my IP coach did not help.

A friend of mine…a very wise friend….told me from the beginning that I had to be watchful.  That although my coach was a good person, caring, knowledgeable, she still had a product to sell, and an income to maintain.

The products, while of great quality, were simply too damn expensive.  And I have a good job, and no children.  I don’t know who can afford $12/day (food alone, forget supplements! Supplements were another $60/month easily) plus $20 each week with the coaching appointment.

As I was gaining and losing the same 10 pounds for the last 3 months I went to the clinic, instead of saying to me “perhaps we should transition you to maintenance and then if you ever want to lose more weight, then you can resume”.  But no, she kept insisting i had 25 more pounds to lose.  And this was after I was under 200 for the first time in my adult life..

Ugh.

So at least with HCG I take a nasal spray, which my prescription plan picked up all but $25 of.  The rest is food I supply.  And let me tell you, that cost is negligible.  You eat all of 200 grams of lean protein each day, 3-4 cups of restricted list of veggies, 2 small apples, and 4 small melba crackers.  This totals 500 calories per day.

I’m starving.  That’s the downside.  On Ideal Protein I was rarely hungry.  But I’m sure after a few more days I will have completely adjusted.

I have no idea how much weight I’ve lost.  I would prefer to not go on the scale until I complete HCG round 1.  I’m in this for the long haul, and don’t want to get sidetracked by the daily fluctuations.  I know I’m following the diet, and I see the doctor again after this first round to check in, so that’s good enough for me.

 

 

Advertisements

Suffocating

Standard

The pain I feel is excruciating.  I love my mom so much and can’t believe she is gone.

And then to pour salt in more wounds, I had to euthanize one of my kitties on Saturday.  She was only nine, but had cancer.

I’m only able to feel normal for minutes at a time, and then the grief washes over me.

I just want to feel better.

Grief

Standard

A quick note and update about where I’ve been again.

My mom passed away after a 12 year battle with COPD on 2/19/14.

I’m not eating out of control, but I’m also not “dieting” either at this moment.

I will be back soon, as I know my mom wanted me to be healthy more than anything in the world, and I won’t let her down.

Please stop smoking, if you smoke.  COPD is a painful, ugly end to life.

Growing pains

Standard

My weight loss has affected those around me in interesting ways.

There is the obvious positive effects, but there are some negative ones too.

It’s been extremely difficult bridging to being a “normal” 39-year old adult woman whose mother lives with her.  And no, my mother does not read my blog.  For many personal family reasons which I will not delve into here, there are a lot of issues in my life that contributed to my becoming a food addict.  My mother and I have a co-dependent relationship, which was only exacerbated by the fact that I lived the life of a spinster in the last 6 years since my divorce, and led a very low-key non-active lifestyle my entire adult life.

It’s been very difficult for her to get used to my being “out and about” more.  Very difficult.  It’s been extremely difficult for her having a man around the house often (with my now being in a relationship).

This has been so heavy on my heart the last 3 months.  It’s taken away from the joy I should be feeling with this new relationship.  It’s been so stressful that this is actually the biggest reason why I’ve gotten derailed over the last 3 months.

I’m not derailed currently….Wednesday will mark 2 full weeks back on plan.  I do not plan on getting derailed, and quite frankly, if the last 2 days did not derail me, then I should be able to get through anything short of an alien invasion (why do I always mention alien invasions?).

I’m just tired of fighting.