Tag Archives: Addiction

False advertising

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Is this false advertising?

This is a hypothetical scenario.  Please chime in with your thoughts…..

If a formerly morbidly obese woman loses 115 pounds, and has every intention of losing 20 more….so much so that she blogs about it, and tells everyone at work about it, all of her friends, and someone she meets and begins a relationship with.

But the 20 pounds hang on for dear life.

She had the intention.  She still is trying to work towards losing.  She is doing everything in her power to get there.  But the weight doesn’t budge.

Adding to the pressure is the fact the man she is with prefers thin women.  And when asked, he doesn’t state one way or the other if he would stay with her if she never lost another pound.  When asked if he’s with her conditionally there is no response.  Usually no response means the response is “yes”.

And what if, God forbid, the woman gains 10 pounds over the years?  20 pounds?

Perhaps the mistake the woman made was trying to date before she was at her stable weight (goal weight, whatever)?  Or perhaps the mistake the woman made was making it so well known that she wanted to lose more weight?

 

I am really upset

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I’m just sick of being on this diet.  Nothing tastes good to me anymore.  If I have another piece of bland chicken, or another green vegetable with nothing on it besides salt, or another protein drink….I think I might vomit.

I’m so weary.  I’m so tired of being able to order maybe 2 things on any menu, and still having to customize the order.  And I’m tired of not being able to drink anything besides water and coffee (but only 1 oz of skim milk….God forbid you have more than 1 oz of skim milk per day in your coffee).  I want a diet soda now and then.  I want a margarita now and then.  For Memorial Day I would like to eat a bun with my hamburger or hot dog, and put ketchup on it, and eat potato salad and chips and baked beans.  Guess what?  Other than the ground beef I can’t eat any of it!!!!!!!  Not one bit of it!!!!!!!  Fun Memorial Day picnic, huh?

All of this for 20 more pounds.  I hate weight.  I hate that most men only want to be with thin women.  I hate that most women have serious issues with their bodies and with food because men only want to be with thin women.  And I hate that I will never be thin.  The best I can do is to just not be fat.  But I’ll never be able to wear a bikini.  Never.  Not unless I win the lottery and can have skin removal surgery.  It’s just my punishment for being such a terrible, flawed person who medicated herself with food and now I live in a shell of a body that will never look right no matter how much weight I lose.

I hate broccoli and cauliflower.  I hate almost all vegetables.  I can’t stand eating healthy foods, but I enjoy feeling healthy.  Healthy foods taste terrible.  All of the people who say their tastes change after eating healthy and losing weight are LIARS.

I hate that I have a food addiction.  I hate it when there are people who do not have addiction and cannot understand understand or empathize with addiction.  If I could simply “watch what I eat” or “not care about food” then I wouldn’t have ever gotten to 327 pounds at my heaviest.

I hate that I have no coping mechanisms.  Running was great, but then it got in the way of the precious Ideal Protein diet.  I will never understand how physical activity can counteract a diet…..but I’m living proof that it can….because I ran from January – April and lost only 10 pounds…..and should have been at my goal weight by now.

And I hate my goal weight.  Yes, I picked 170.  But 170 can go to hell.  I hate everything about weight, food, diet, and numbers.

And yes, I used the word hate a lot in this post.  Oh well.

Why do people revert to destructive behavior?

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OK stalkers, I’m going into territory that might offend some, but because I’ve been there, I’m allowed to think it, believe it, say it, and write it.  What I’m going to state is not new news, but it’s the unpleasant truth that we need to hear, and I continue to need to hear it, and will continue my entire life to work on it.

Most people are overweight because they don’t care about themselves.

Only the tiniest of a percentage of population have some real physical reason they can’t lose weight.  Like .0021%.  OK, I don’t have the actual percentage, but you know what I mean.  The rest of us simply eat for comfort.

And for stress.  And for celebration.  For disappointment.  For fun.  For boredom.  But mostly, because we are unhappy and we are medicating with food.

The thing that makes me maddest about my journey to health is the fact that our society is so messed up with portion sizes, processed foods, and fast foods.  Why aren’t there drive-throughs for fruit?  Or for vegetable trays?  Why don’t insurance companies pay for prevention?  Yes, they are getting better, but it’s not where it needs to be….not by a long shot.  If we were where we needed to be, my Ideal Protein space food would be at least partially covered by insurance.  Heck, it doesn’t even qualify as an FSA expenditure!  Being healthy is not cheap, and that is yet another reason why so many obese people are lost as to how to begin.

Why not just eat less and move more?  OK, that works for part of the population.  But for the truly addicted, and I’m one of them, unless you remove carbs and sugars from your diet you just continue to have the spikes in blood sugar that ultimately makes you crazy because the cravings never go away.  This is why after 3 days or 3 weeks an addict ends up binge eating.

We are unhappy because of something in our life, so we eat.  Then we are not only unhappy with the thing we began medicating with food, but we compound it by being unhappy with being overweight.  A vicious cycle.  And the only way to stop the cycle is to lose weight, and find other ways to deal with the unhappy something that started it all.

And for true food addicts, you need a plan that supports you fighting your addiction, which for me is no carb/no sugar.  And actually I’m really beginning to see that it is sugar more than anything for me, at least mentally.

It’s so sad for me to be around people who do not recognize that they are in the middle of this struggle that I know so well.  Certain people in my life continue to be in the gaining weight pattern of unhappiness.  I’m in pain for them, and wish I could do more to help.  All I can do is live my life and support them in whatever ways they are able to accept.

Food addiction as a “thing” is just starting to get recognition in the medical field.  It is no different than a nicotine, alcohol, gambling, or drug addiction.  Sex addiction is still in that same space as food addiction….most people scoff at both of them and think that it’s mind over matter.  However, anyone who has ever truly battled an addiction knows that there is a tiny, evil voice in our heads that drives us to the destruction.  So while I would also like to scoff at the concept of sex addiction, I do believe it must be real because I know how addiction works.  I also know that when we are healthy of mind, we can stomp out the evil voice…..but it is difficult.  The evil voice is always there, it’s just some days the voice is louder than other days.

I briefly dated an alcoholic (yeah, great idea for one addict to date another…..duh and ugh at the same time) and he was forever telling me that I had a more difficult addiction to overcome because, while an alcoholic does not need to drink to survive, and they never have to go into a bar again, a person DOES have to eat food to survive.  And not only that, but “bad” food is constantly in our faces.  Daily we have to make the commitment to ourselves to eat what is healthy instead of what is unhealthy.  I always just thanked him for those comments, but I don’t like it when something as serious as addiction to turn into a competition….”I have it harder than you do” doesn’t really serve anyone positively.  And anyway, there are no gold medals or blue ribbons being handed out for most difficult addiction to overcome……

Or maybe there is.  Let me know if there is because I’m always in the market for a gold medal or blue ribbon.

🙂

Putting on the brakes

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I come to you as a person who is more of a food addict than I ever thought. I’ve gained 10 pounds in a week (water, glycogen, real weight, whatever). I could give a bunch of excuses about travel, etc….but the bottom line of it is they are only excuses. After 8 months on IP I know how to do the protocol, and I know how to ignore temptation.

I got right back into addiction thinking and behavior….hiding my eating, eating as though it was my last meal, eating for reward instead of nourishment….all of it.

I’ve decided that IP is not enough for me to truly conquer all of my weight issues. I’ve decided I need to try Overeaters Anonymous as a companion to IP to learn more tools for what I need to maintain.

So today is my first day back on Phase 1 Ideal Protein protocol after being off for one week.

I traveled for work this week, and had one of the worst flights of my life on Tuesday.  We tried to fly from Chicago to Tulsa, but there were bad storms, so were diverted to Springfield, MO.  We had to drive by van for 3.5 hours to Tulsa.  We are part of a show production, and the food for the cast and crew are NOT healthy options.  So I literally would not have been able to find vegetables and protein that I could eat……the veggies had salad dressing and/or sauce already mixed in them, and protein already encased in sauce.  Ugh. The world does not cater towards health.

I have more travel by plane coming 2/18 – 2/20, but I’ve already resolved that I will NOT stray from my plan until I reach 160.  There will be NO excuses about travel, inconvenience, etc…

These are things I need to remember……

1.  The emergency is NOT over.  Yes, I’m off of meds, feel better than I have in years, look better than I have in years, etc….but I’m still obese.

2.  I need to eat for nourishment, not reward.

3.  I am a food addict.

4.  This is a journey.  This is my journey.  I refuse to beat myself up.  I’ve come clean with my mom and all of you about my addiction behavior from this past week, and the backslide it caused.  If I didn’t want to stop, I would have never told anyone, verbally or otherwise.

So we begin again.  Here we go!!!!!

🙂