If I had one wish, I would wish for this illness of food addiction/dysfunctional relationship with food to be removed from me.

It is something that has been in my brain almost every moment of every day of my life.

Either obsessive calorie/carb/points counting and journaling, or eating whatever/whenever but then having self-hatred/fear all day long.

Why can’t I just not give a crap about food?  Will I really have to log my food into a journal every day for the rest of my life?  It’s all so overwhelming.

Meanwhile, I still just want my clothes to fit.  How did I let this happen to myself?  How did I allow myself to get over 200 again?  How??????????

I’m embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted.  I know I need to forgive myself…..but I actually hate myself for what I’ve done.  I’ve set myself back.  I could be at 160 by now, or close……instead I’ve gone in the other direction for the last 2 months.

Back to eating hard-boiled eggs and a protein drink for lunch.  When will it end?