Daily Archives: July 22, 2013

Compulsive Overeater

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“Hello, my name is Amy, and I’m a compulsive overeater.”

“Hi Amy”

At this link http://oa12step4coes.org/questions.html you will find a list of 15 questions.  If you answer “Yes” to 3 or more you are, or on your way to becoming, a compulsive overeater.

Here is how I answered the questions.

  1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?  Is the pope Catholic? Yes.
  4. Do you give too much time and thought for food?  Is “all the time” too much time?  Yes.
  5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?  When I’m not on my plan.  So yes.
  6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?  Sometimes.  So yes.
  7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?  When I’m not on my plan.  So yes.
  8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?  It did more at 300 pounds. But considering I can’t eat/drink what everyone else does else I gain weight quickly, then yes.
  9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?  Until last year and Ideal Protein, yes.
  10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?  I hate those assholes.
  11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?  Yes, however now it’s the truth because I know if I eat low-carb/no sugar I can lose weight.
  12. Do you crave food at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?  Yes.  Late night especially.
  13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?  100% absolute YES.
  14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?  Yes.
  15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?  Yes.

I answered “yes” to all 15 questions.  I always was a perfectionist.  Except I would rather not be a perfectionist addict.

*sigh*

I would like those donuts

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Back in the office today and someone brought in donuts for the department.  Add to the fact that every day I’m surrounded by chocolate……

Ugh.

Today is day 4.  I have felt physically terrible since Sunday morning….and to top it all off I weighed 207.9 this morning (.9 more than yesterday).  I’m having a lot of gastrointestinal distress from the change of eating, so perhaps that is what is causing the gain.  Whatever.  I haven’t strayed from the plan.  The plan just sucks.  It always does.

So of course the addict in me wants sugar.  Badly.  I want to feel better.  A dopamine fix.  Disregard the fact that sugar withdrawal is why I’m sitting here feeling so physically “blah”.  But there is a big part of my psyche that wants to say “screw it”.  

I can’t.  I won’t.  I don’t have it in me to go through withdrawals AGAIN so soon, if I was to go ahead and have sugar today.  It would be a temporary fix for a permanent issue.

I just don’t know why I couldn’t have been someone who eats to live.  I’m dating one of those people right now.  Not only does he tend to be thin anyway, but even when he eats he only eats moderate amounts.  And believe me, he only eats junk.  Now I know eating junk is not good for anyone.  I just wish that when I ate junk it didn’t set me off on a spiral of eating more and more and more.  He eats junk, maybe not even everything on his plate, and then doesn’t think about eating again for several hours.

I hate being an addict.  I really and truly hate it.