Monthly Archives: June 2013

Feeling good about my decision


So yesterday I made it through sugar-free and low-carb and I dropped 4 pounds.  Again, I’m planning on doing “traditional Ideal Protein Phase 1”  until I hit 190, then I will begin to slowly introduce more carbs/sugars.

Starting now:  Run 3 times per week.

Week 1 (this is when I hit 190 in the next week or so)

  • Remove all sugary temptations from the house so I can’t binge late at night
  • one slice of Ezekiel bread and 2 Tbsp natural peanut butter every day to breakfast in addition to my protein shake
  • protein bar (low sugar) on days I run
  • 1/4 cup almonds for snack
  • protein shakes as needed for lunch/snack
  • hard boiled eggs for lunch (2 large)
  • lean protein and non-starchy vegetables for dinner

The second week I will add the following:

  • one piece of fruit mid-morning or at lunch and one piece of cheese
  • add more skim milk to coffee as I wish

Week 3

  • every other day have a “good starch” such as a sweet potato, or a wheat “flat” bun with a hamburger
  • once a week have a frozen yogurt or ice cream treat, but ensuring I’m with someone so I can’t sneak anything more
  • an alcoholic beverage whenever (I hardly drink, so it won’t be an issue monitoring this)

Maintain week 3 for a while until I lose whatever weight I want and figure out if this will work for maintenance.  I’ve always reserved the right to switch lunch with dinner, so if I have lunch plans, I’ll switch it around.  Or….I can have lean protein and non-starchy vegetables at both lunch and dinner occasionally.

I think this will work.

Getting to the bottom of the sugar craze


OK Lori, this post is for you.

You and I are not the only ones who binge on sugar after leaving IP.  You and I are not the only ones who were former salt/carb addicts, and now mysteriously only want sugar.

So there’s got to be something there.

Before IP I would not pass up dessert.  What 300 pound person passes up dessert?  But at 300 pounds I craved pizza, pasta, bread, rice, chips, etc….and dessert just topped it all off.  But now, as a 185-205 pound person whenever I leave the no sugar/low carb plan of Ideal Protein it’s like I can’t get enough sugar.

I can pass by pizza, pasta, bread, rice, chips, etc…..I can make “healthy” meal choices…a la proteins and non-starchy veggies.  But I can eat desserts like the end of the world is coming.

Let me tell you what I ate yesterday……

  • 4 big cookies at a work meeting.
  • 1 big dish of Yogurtland
  • 2 Weight Watchers desserts (yeah, funny, right?)
  • 1 box, yes box, yes the entire box, of Girl Scout thin mints from the freezer

This was after I knew I was going back “on plan” today.

And believe me, there have been a few days over the last 2 weeks where my sugar eating has been that way…..where I get a dessert at Culvers only to hit Yogurtland immediately after, and then get a Steak & Shake milkshake a few hours later.  Oh yeah, I said it.

True food addiction behavior.

How could someone who has lost 100 pounds revert to this behavior?  Easy.  It’s an addiction.

My mother has always been a fan of Robert Downey Jr., who very publicly struggled with drug addiction.  Whenever she says to me “just stop it!” I ask her if she would have said that to Robert Downey Jr.  For that moment she “gets it”, but then will say “just stop it” a week later so obviously she doesn’t really “get it”.

The addiction is like having an out-of-body experience.  I can sit there knowing I shouldn’t eat the item but I eat it anyway.  I know I’m putting my health at risk.  I know I’m putting my waistline and clothes fitting at risk.  I know I’m putting my relationship at risk (he didn’t sign up for dating an obese woman, and that’s never been a secret).  And yet I still eat the item.

Until the health community and society-at-large recognizes food addiction as a real thing plaguing so many of us, it’s going to be even more difficult to get the help we really need.

So back to my original thought……why do so many of us (most of us? all of us?) who leave Ideal Protein (or other no sugar/low carb diets) go absolutely batshit berserk for sugar when we used to be salt freaks?  Is it the deprivation?  What is it????

Hopefully we will figure this out, and more importantly, find a way to incorporate *some* amount of “reasonable” sugar back into our lives without it triggering some crazy addiction behavior.

Because all I want is the ability to enjoy a Yogurtland a couple of times a week on a summer night and not have the binges that I do now.

Hiding from myself


Last night after I wrote my posting I decided to go back on IP for the next week or two at the most to shed the weight I gained, and then force myself to transition off SLOWLY and not binge on sugar.  I have enough product to get the weight off I gained.  I’m not happy with where I am weight-wise.  It’s amazing how different 204 feels from 189.  My clothes are tighter, I carry 14 pounds of it around my middle and 1 extra pound in my face.  That’s an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.

My mom is actually doing me a favor and calling the clinic to cancel me out of my future appointments, stating financial hardship.  I feel like a weenie not being able to call myself, but what are you going to do?  Although I’ve had some hard times recently with my mom, she still has my back 1000% of the time (yes, I meant to put 1000), and for that I’m eternally grateful.

So the plan is to get to 190 in the next week or two via IP, but I’m still going to run and exercise.  Then I’ll phase off and continue to run, and lose the remaining weight via mindful eating and exercise.

I appreciate the nudges and comments from you, more than you will ever know.  I get so much from all of you by sharing my story.  It’s just another way of staying accountable.

Hugs to one and all today!

What’s up?


OK, I’ve been quiet recently.  A lot of stress both personally and professionally.  Personally is all about the growing pains I’ve had with my mom given that I have a relationship now.  Professionally I can’t write about.

Any of my stalkers know the trials and tribulations I’ve had during these last pounds (200 down to whatever) since January.  Up and down and back and forth and on and off.

I’ve made the decision to go off of Ideal Protein and do the last 30 pounds on my own.  With exercise.  With occasional frozen yogurt and margaritas and corn on the cob.  If it takes me a year to lose the 30 pounds, oh well.

I can no longer deprive myself of carbs, and of foods that everyone else on earth eats.  7 months of solid Ideal Protein, and 6 months of back and forth……enough already.  Enough with the money spent.  Enough with the eating one thing “off plan” and gaining 5 pounds of glycogen.  

After all, maintenance is not supposed to include IP foods, so I’m doing the rest my way.

Yes, I’ve declared this before.  But I mean it this time.

Now, the last couple of weeks I did the typical eating crazy amounts of sugar, which seems to be what people do when they go off plan.  It’s got to be because of the deprivation.  I’m starting to feel a bit more stable with the crazy “feed me sugar”, so that’s good.  

This week I’m not calorie-counting.  I’m simply trying to be mindful, but I’m not doing so well with that.  I’m just over 200 again (yes, a couple of weeks ago I hit 185)….but so much of it is glycogen, inflammation, and water retention.  Once I stabilize, and stop eating sugar sugar sugar this should improve.

Tonight I went to the gym and did Week 1, Day 1 of Couch-to-5K.  I figured I should start over, and it felt so good.  Then I did an hour on strength machines.

So that is what has been going on.  I’ve been internally struggling, and then internally embarrassed by the weight gain/fluctuations.  But, as I’ve said before, it’s all part of the journey.  I’m not giving up, I’m simply modifying my route.

I will never give up. It’s the journey, not the destination.  Perhaps I will never weigh less than 180.  But I want to tighten up, and I want my health to be fabulous.  So that’s that.

Another way I know


Another way I know I’m in weight loss mode besides all of the other ways is I notice the subtlest of changes in my physical appearance.

I feel like a narcissist.

My jaw, neck, and face are more contoured.  My forearms and hands are slightly thinner.  All of the things I was noticing in 2012 during the rapid weight loss I’m noticing again.

I love it, and I’ll take it.  Every last bit of it.

I’m having so much fun right now with clothes and shoes it’s insane.  I bought a lot of work clothes last week at Savers (I outfitted myself for my trip there too).  Fabulous finds!  

Another great article I found on how former fat women have a hard time with their minds catching up to their bodies is here.  I’m further along than I was, but I definitely still have moments where I think I’m 300 pounds….especially when it comes to sitting in chairs, booths, etc….I look at the size of my clothes, and the size of my mom’s clothes (she is a small woman) and it’s amazing to me.

What a good life.

I’m a rare case


OK, this post is about a woman’s monthly visitor, so if you are sensitive to such topics, stop reading now.

Since month 2 or 3 on Ideal Protein I’ve had frequent cycles (14 to 21 days instead of 28).  This stabalized January – May due to my “cheats”.  Well I’m ecstatic to report (sarcasm) that since returning from my trip on May 4th I’ve had my period 3 times.  In the last month I would say I’ve had only 5 days where I did not have to wear at least a light liner.

This could be a big factor in my part of some of the emotional messiness I’ve dealt with in the past month with my mom, because it does take two to tango.  Even if my ability to walk away and not escalate is my only crime, I certainly have not been able to successfully do that.  I hate to blame the hormonal fluctuations, but it’s a real thing.

Ideal Protein has documented the menstrual cycle abnormalities while on the diet at this link.  In the paragraph titled “Menstrual Irregularities” you will see that I’m one of the lucky rare women who is having several periods a month when she is doing the program properly.

So the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is I’m doing the diet correctly.  Duh.

Crossing over


Did I mention over the weekend I became overweight?

Crossed right over the border from obese to overweight.  According to BMI charts, that is.

I was able to tell my guy that he was no longer with an obese woman, now he was just with an overweight woman.  He just chuckled, looked at me funny, and said “to me you are just Amy”.


Nonetheless I’m THRILLED!!!  No matter if my goal is 170 or 160, I know for certain my long-term goal is to be under “obese” for the rest of my life, and for my height that means under 185.9 lbs.

And, as usual after hitting a goal, I’ve stayed off the scale since Saturday.  With normal fluctuations I did NOT want cross back over to obese again.  LOL.  I will weigh in on my own scale on Thursday morning, as Thursday evening is my Ideal Protein office weigh-in, and I like to be able to say “Well this morning I weighed xxx.x”

And I should (fingers crossed) maybe be in the 184 range on Thursday morning.

I had a coworker tell me he didn’t recognize me, as he had not seen me in a while.  Pretty cool.

And I rockin’ some 3 inch heels today too.  I did not pay that price for them…..I paid half that.  new shoes

Oh.  Yeah.

Growing pains


My weight loss has affected those around me in interesting ways.

There is the obvious positive effects, but there are some negative ones too.

It’s been extremely difficult bridging to being a “normal” 39-year old adult woman whose mother lives with her.  And no, my mother does not read my blog.  For many personal family reasons which I will not delve into here, there are a lot of issues in my life that contributed to my becoming a food addict.  My mother and I have a co-dependent relationship, which was only exacerbated by the fact that I lived the life of a spinster in the last 6 years since my divorce, and led a very low-key non-active lifestyle my entire adult life.

It’s been very difficult for her to get used to my being “out and about” more.  Very difficult.  It’s been extremely difficult for her having a man around the house often (with my now being in a relationship).

This has been so heavy on my heart the last 3 months.  It’s taken away from the joy I should be feeling with this new relationship.  It’s been so stressful that this is actually the biggest reason why I’ve gotten derailed over the last 3 months.

I’m not derailed currently….Wednesday will mark 2 full weeks back on plan.  I do not plan on getting derailed, and quite frankly, if the last 2 days did not derail me, then I should be able to get through anything short of an alien invasion (why do I always mention alien invasions?).

I’m just tired of fighting.