I’m just sick of being on this diet. Nothing tastes good to me anymore. If I have another piece of bland chicken, or another green vegetable with nothing on it besides salt, or another protein drink….I think I might vomit.
I’m so weary. I’m so tired of being able to order maybe 2 things on any menu, and still having to customize the order. And I’m tired of not being able to drink anything besides water and coffee (but only 1 oz of skim milk….God forbid you have more than 1 oz of skim milk per day in your coffee). I want a diet soda now and then. I want a margarita now and then. For Memorial Day I would like to eat a bun with my hamburger or hot dog, and put ketchup on it, and eat potato salad and chips and baked beans. Guess what? Other than the ground beef I can’t eat any of it!!!!!!! Not one bit of it!!!!!!! Fun Memorial Day picnic, huh?
All of this for 20 more pounds. I hate weight. I hate that most men only want to be with thin women. I hate that most women have serious issues with their bodies and with food because men only want to be with thin women. And I hate that I will never be thin. The best I can do is to just not be fat. But I’ll never be able to wear a bikini. Never. Not unless I win the lottery and can have skin removal surgery. It’s just my punishment for being such a terrible, flawed person who medicated herself with food and now I live in a shell of a body that will never look right no matter how much weight I lose.
I hate broccoli and cauliflower. I hate almost all vegetables. I can’t stand eating healthy foods, but I enjoy feeling healthy. Healthy foods taste terrible. All of the people who say their tastes change after eating healthy and losing weight are LIARS.
I hate that I have a food addiction. I hate it when there are people who do not have addiction and cannot understand understand or empathize with addiction. If I could simply “watch what I eat” or “not care about food” then I wouldn’t have ever gotten to 327 pounds at my heaviest.
I hate that I have no coping mechanisms. Running was great, but then it got in the way of the precious Ideal Protein diet. I will never understand how physical activity can counteract a diet…..but I’m living proof that it can….because I ran from January – April and lost only 10 pounds…..and should have been at my goal weight by now.
And I hate my goal weight. Yes, I picked 170. But 170 can go to hell. I hate everything about weight, food, diet, and numbers.
And yes, I used the word hate a lot in this post. Oh well.