People, it’s time to get serious or the aliens will invade & Johnny Depp will be kidnapped

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OK, enough with the back and forth.

Today is day 1, again.  This will be the last day 1, hear me now, if it kills me (it won’t…you know what I mean).

Sugar is of the devil and the devil has been with me since my vacation.  I fell into some habits of stress eating this past week, and that is going to be a lifelong struggle.  What was stressful?  Well, tension at home didn’t help.  Also, a professional disappointment that I’ve been putting a brave face on is the biggest trigger.

The good news is I continue to curb the stress eating fairly quickly.  I could let it go for 10, 20, 30 more pounds and in the past I would have.  No more.  So that’s a victory in and of iteself!

I have to wonder if there is some fear about getting to whatever my goal is.  I still don’t know what my goal is for real.  I want to have an attainable and sustainable goal, and I’m unsure I will know what that is until I get there.

I play with the thought of 170, and then I play with the thought of 160.  I play with the thought of going based on size of clothing.  It was just so much easier when I had firmer goals…..like getting under 250, under 200, off of certain meds, etc…..

Now the emergency is over and it’s difficult to stay on course.  My health is great, my doctors are thrilled, and I look darn good.  However, I know I’m not where I want to be, and it’s time to stop tip-toeing around it.

Now that I have no vacation in sight I should be able to go a full 2 months completely on phase 1 plan and lose this remaining weight.  I know that once I get to day 3-4 of phase 1 the sugar cravings and headaches go away, and it’s actually not that bad.  I just need to get there.

Ok stalkers, so in full disclosure, I weighed in this morning at 197.0.  37 more pounds to go.  or 27.  I just don’t know……sigh.

And no, just because I have crappy food in my house for my mom and another person does not mean I will cheat.  I lived with crappy food in my house for the first 9 months and never cheated once.  So it’s about mindset and helping my body and brain get past the addiction of sugar, which only takes 3-4 days.

I need to create an emergency for myself.  Like, aliens will invade if I’m not at my goal by August 1st.  Or, Johnny Depp will be kidnapped by Al Qaeda.  Or…….I’m out of ideas.

Over and out.  Day one.  I can do it.  I’ve lost over 100 pounds….I can do anything.

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2 responses »

  1. Amy,
    I love reading your thoughts (probably because you are expressing my fears, and realities)…please keep plugging along so honestly with us-
    I spent last week trying to explain to my family that though I am 16 lbs from my original goal, I am not actually sure what my goal is (and then sabotaged myself a little-which I am afraid is subliminal fear)…
    I also woke up and resolved to give myself a mission, and move forward strongly and bravely. I am so scared that taking it off-as super hard as that was to finally do, will be easier than keeping it off. (thoughts on that would be appreciated)
    You are truly an inspiration to us”real life losers”..keep it up please

  2. Lori, I’m so happy my journey is resonating with you! I’m scared to death of maintenance. I think it’s because I’ve never done it. I’ve been in “whatever happens happens” mode (aka “weight gain”) or weight loss my entire life. If I ever maintained it was by pure accident, and never for very long.

    I’ve been trying to consider what maintenance looks like for me, and I can only come up with how my clothing feels versus a number on the scale. For example, if I get into size 10 jeans, then I want to be able to donate my size 12’s and not purchase 12’s again (well, barring crazy manufacturer’s inconsistencies and how they mess with our minds). I want to buy size 10 when it’s comfortable, and then if they get uncomfortable then I will know to “reign it in”. I do not want to allow myself the wiggle room of keeping my larger sizes around for “fat days”. I want the extra humiliation layer of having to shell out money for clothes if I can’t get my act together to drop some weight so my clothes fit. I want to put as many layers of warning signs as I can. For instance, I want to be a safe distance under 200, because I fear that if I tip over the edge of 200 then it’s a train-wreck waiting to happen. I actually did tip over it a few weeks ago, and was able to reign it in….but I don’t trust myself enough yet to know I always would.

    One thing I know for sure…….I can’t stay in weight loss mode forever because I simply can’t freaking afford it! So I do have a financial emergency, if nothing else! 🙂

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