Daily Archives: May 13, 2013

Salsa cookies

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I’ve sung Carmina Burana several times, and know the middle German/Latin lyrics which is probably why this makes me laugh and laugh…..

Really ladies? This was not my experience at all…..

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So in today’s Chicago Sun-Times, Cheryl Lavin’s column showcases two women who are “plus-sized and popular”.  http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/lavin/19876622-452/advice-from-women-who-are-both-plus-sized-and-popular.html

Really?  Not my experience at all.  At all.  At.  All.

Here in Chicago the only men I found who like the larger ladies are:

  1. Losers (no job, bad teeth, outrageously homely, etc…)
  2. Freakishly thin
  3. Men who don’t mind having sex with the woman, but don’t want to be seen in public with the woman
  4. So obese themselves it’s actually a turn-off for the obese woman who knows at some point she’ll get her act together and will need to be with someone who will eat a vegetable at least once a week.

More power to the women who can actually find the unicorn-of-a-man who “loves me for me”….but I don’t buy it.  Not one iota.  I’ve always been cool.  I’ve always been smart, fun, funny, goofy, responsible, loyal, interesting, positive, pleasant, and kind.  However, that didn’t get me any kind of quality man.  It took losing over 100 pounds and having some self-worth to find that quality man.  The good news for me is he wasn’t available until I lost the weight anyway.  Sometimes timing just works out that way.  Last May as I began my journey toward health he was beginning his own journey towards his own big life changes….and the timing dovetailed quite nicely into finding each other exactly when we were supposed to.

Again, my obese friends don’t want to hear this….but I get to write about my experience as having once weighed over 300 pounds that you have a better chance at finding a quality man when you are a size 16 or less (I’m on the edge of 12/14 currently).  Let’s do the math, shall we?

Over 30 most men are married.  Therefore your population decreases significantly.  From that, subtract out the gay men.  Next subtract out the men you personally do not find appealing for whatever reason.  Then you have to subtract out the men who don’t like “plus-sized” women.  You are now at a very small percentage.  Very small indeed.

I know a woman who has never been married, but really wants to be.  She is pushing 40.  She is smart, attractive, educated, and has a good career.  Unfortunately she is severely obese, just like I was a year ago.  It’s going to be incredibly difficult for her to find a husband of any quality until she loses some weight.  Go ahead and talk about how terrible that is….but it’s human nature….and I didn’t create this situation, I’m just now figuring out that life is much easier if you quit fighting the nature of humankind and simply play within the parameters.

And ladies (because I know it’s mostly women reading my blog), the real key to getting a quality man is to have all of it…..taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.  A man does indeed want someone who can string some sentences together and make him laugh.  But he needs to also like what he’s looking at at the same time.  And really, can you blame him?  Women are much more forgiving of men….that is well-known.  But given everything, most women with 2 brain cells in her head would prefer an average to above-average looking man with morals, a brain, and a moderate income as over Shrek with a lot of money.

The moral of the story is this:  go ahead and stay fat and unhappy and attracting the wrong type of guy, or lose some weight and have so many benefits you can’t possibly count them all, least of which is having way more quality men to choose from.

And I would know.

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Then I love you

If seeing the beauty of life through your eyes
Is love
Then I love you
If needing you and wanting you
Is love
Then I love you
If growth comes to mind when I think of you
Is love
Then I love you
If I cannot picture life with anyone but you
Is love
Then I love you
If trusting you with my heart
Is love
Then I love you
If trusting you with my thoughts
Is love
Then I love you
If putting you before me
Is love
Then I love you
If everything is you
Is love
Then I love you
If writing this poem for you
Is love
Then I love you
If loving you
Is love
Then I love you
If every part of misses you
Is love
Then I love you
If smiling when I see you
Is love
Then I love you
If being lonely without you
Is love
Then I love you
If every word is meant and felt
Is love
Then I love you
If dreaming of you everyday
Is love
Then I love you
If appreciating what life can offer
Is love
Then I love you
If being a better person just for you
Is love
Then I love you
If dreams can come true
Is love
Then I love you
If making you my number one
Is love
Then I love you
If swallowing my pride
Is love
Then I love you
If the best is what I want
Is love
Then I love you

Neo Molefe Wa Peloeahae Peloeahae

Then I love you…

Why do people revert to destructive behavior?

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OK stalkers, I’m going into territory that might offend some, but because I’ve been there, I’m allowed to think it, believe it, say it, and write it.  What I’m going to state is not new news, but it’s the unpleasant truth that we need to hear, and I continue to need to hear it, and will continue my entire life to work on it.

Most people are overweight because they don’t care about themselves.

Only the tiniest of a percentage of population have some real physical reason they can’t lose weight.  Like .0021%.  OK, I don’t have the actual percentage, but you know what I mean.  The rest of us simply eat for comfort.

And for stress.  And for celebration.  For disappointment.  For fun.  For boredom.  But mostly, because we are unhappy and we are medicating with food.

The thing that makes me maddest about my journey to health is the fact that our society is so messed up with portion sizes, processed foods, and fast foods.  Why aren’t there drive-throughs for fruit?  Or for vegetable trays?  Why don’t insurance companies pay for prevention?  Yes, they are getting better, but it’s not where it needs to be….not by a long shot.  If we were where we needed to be, my Ideal Protein space food would be at least partially covered by insurance.  Heck, it doesn’t even qualify as an FSA expenditure!  Being healthy is not cheap, and that is yet another reason why so many obese people are lost as to how to begin.

Why not just eat less and move more?  OK, that works for part of the population.  But for the truly addicted, and I’m one of them, unless you remove carbs and sugars from your diet you just continue to have the spikes in blood sugar that ultimately makes you crazy because the cravings never go away.  This is why after 3 days or 3 weeks an addict ends up binge eating.

We are unhappy because of something in our life, so we eat.  Then we are not only unhappy with the thing we began medicating with food, but we compound it by being unhappy with being overweight.  A vicious cycle.  And the only way to stop the cycle is to lose weight, and find other ways to deal with the unhappy something that started it all.

And for true food addicts, you need a plan that supports you fighting your addiction, which for me is no carb/no sugar.  And actually I’m really beginning to see that it is sugar more than anything for me, at least mentally.

It’s so sad for me to be around people who do not recognize that they are in the middle of this struggle that I know so well.  Certain people in my life continue to be in the gaining weight pattern of unhappiness.  I’m in pain for them, and wish I could do more to help.  All I can do is live my life and support them in whatever ways they are able to accept.

Food addiction as a “thing” is just starting to get recognition in the medical field.  It is no different than a nicotine, alcohol, gambling, or drug addiction.  Sex addiction is still in that same space as food addiction….most people scoff at both of them and think that it’s mind over matter.  However, anyone who has ever truly battled an addiction knows that there is a tiny, evil voice in our heads that drives us to the destruction.  So while I would also like to scoff at the concept of sex addiction, I do believe it must be real because I know how addiction works.  I also know that when we are healthy of mind, we can stomp out the evil voice…..but it is difficult.  The evil voice is always there, it’s just some days the voice is louder than other days.

I briefly dated an alcoholic (yeah, great idea for one addict to date another…..duh and ugh at the same time) and he was forever telling me that I had a more difficult addiction to overcome because, while an alcoholic does not need to drink to survive, and they never have to go into a bar again, a person DOES have to eat food to survive.  And not only that, but “bad” food is constantly in our faces.  Daily we have to make the commitment to ourselves to eat what is healthy instead of what is unhealthy.  I always just thanked him for those comments, but I don’t like it when something as serious as addiction to turn into a competition….”I have it harder than you do” doesn’t really serve anyone positively.  And anyway, there are no gold medals or blue ribbons being handed out for most difficult addiction to overcome……

Or maybe there is.  Let me know if there is because I’m always in the market for a gold medal or blue ribbon.

🙂

People, it’s time to get serious or the aliens will invade & Johnny Depp will be kidnapped

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OK, enough with the back and forth.

Today is day 1, again.  This will be the last day 1, hear me now, if it kills me (it won’t…you know what I mean).

Sugar is of the devil and the devil has been with me since my vacation.  I fell into some habits of stress eating this past week, and that is going to be a lifelong struggle.  What was stressful?  Well, tension at home didn’t help.  Also, a professional disappointment that I’ve been putting a brave face on is the biggest trigger.

The good news is I continue to curb the stress eating fairly quickly.  I could let it go for 10, 20, 30 more pounds and in the past I would have.  No more.  So that’s a victory in and of iteself!

I have to wonder if there is some fear about getting to whatever my goal is.  I still don’t know what my goal is for real.  I want to have an attainable and sustainable goal, and I’m unsure I will know what that is until I get there.

I play with the thought of 170, and then I play with the thought of 160.  I play with the thought of going based on size of clothing.  It was just so much easier when I had firmer goals…..like getting under 250, under 200, off of certain meds, etc…..

Now the emergency is over and it’s difficult to stay on course.  My health is great, my doctors are thrilled, and I look darn good.  However, I know I’m not where I want to be, and it’s time to stop tip-toeing around it.

Now that I have no vacation in sight I should be able to go a full 2 months completely on phase 1 plan and lose this remaining weight.  I know that once I get to day 3-4 of phase 1 the sugar cravings and headaches go away, and it’s actually not that bad.  I just need to get there.

Ok stalkers, so in full disclosure, I weighed in this morning at 197.0.  37 more pounds to go.  or 27.  I just don’t know……sigh.

And no, just because I have crappy food in my house for my mom and another person does not mean I will cheat.  I lived with crappy food in my house for the first 9 months and never cheated once.  So it’s about mindset and helping my body and brain get past the addiction of sugar, which only takes 3-4 days.

I need to create an emergency for myself.  Like, aliens will invade if I’m not at my goal by August 1st.  Or, Johnny Depp will be kidnapped by Al Qaeda.  Or…….I’m out of ideas.

Over and out.  Day one.  I can do it.  I’ve lost over 100 pounds….I can do anything.