Monthly Archives: May 2013

New weight loss



The mental relief new weight loss brings…..there is nothing like it.  Previously low was 188.  This morning I’m 187.76.  I’m wearing my size 12 jeans, muffin top and all, and just wearing a big shirt to hide it.  My legs, butt, hips have all been a size 12 for a while now…’s my abdomen where 90% of my loose skin is that doesn’t cooperate with that size.

I was blessed with having good legs, but they are on the smaller size as far as weight….so often I have to buy pants based on my waist size, but then my legs and butt are loose.  A shame, really…but that’s just how my body is.  Perhaps as I lose more it will be better.  It will never be great…I don’t have an hourglass figure as it is….my waist to hip ratio has always been slight….which means I’m an apple shape which is the worst for potential heart issues, as we know.  The good news is I’m doing everything I can to ensure my future health, and that is all any of us can do.

The further away from “cheats” the easier it gets mentally.  I don’t know why that is, but it is.

It’s also amazing that when I’m in weight loss, and I’m not having a hard day I want to get to 160, but when I’m having a hard time I’m ok with 170.  Perhaps I should meet in the middle and just say the goal is 165.

Perhaps I should just not worry about the number, and simply be grateful I’m in weight loss (the diet works people!).

Over and out.  Rock on today and every day!

Time to celebrate


On May 30th, 2012 I began my last diet.  I weighed 304.9 pounds.  I was on 2 medicines for high triglycerides and 1 for high blood pressure.  I used a CPAP machine at night for sleep apnea.  I was personally miserable.  Subjected to discrimination,  I was the 300 pound invisible woman.  I was wearing plus sized/women’s size 3x clothes and a size 28W jeans.  I sweat like a fountain.  I took over-the-counter meds daily for acid reflux.  My knees were tender going down stairs, so I avoided using stairs whenever possible.  I did not wear heels, or skirts/dresses.  I was a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

On May 30th, 2013 I’m still on the diet.  I weighed in this morning at 188.4 pounds.  I’m on no meds for high triglycerides or blood pressure.  I no longer need the CPAP machine.  I’m personally quite happy.  I get better treatment in public, and men make eye contact with me now.  I wear ladies size L/XL, and a size 12/14 pants.  I only sweat now when it’s a high dew point and I’m active.  I only have to take an over-the-counter acid reflux medicine when I’ve had too much indulgence (rarely).  My knees are no longer tender, and I participated in the Fight for Air Stair Climb in March.  Today I’m wearing heels and a skirt.

I’m no longer a ticking time-bomb of severe, debilitating health issues.

Best of all, I’ve proven to myself that I can do anything.  I’m no longer a worry to myself, my family, or my friends.

So today, at 116.5 pounds lighter than one year ago, I celebrate.  I’m celebrating by going to work and wearing fun, girly clothing, with good hair and makeup.  I’m celebrating by going to my weekly weigh-in.  I’m celebrating by eating completely on my plan (because I still have a bit more weight I want to lose), and I’m celebrating by continuing to share my journey with you.

Many times I’ve mentioned thanks in my blog, and today will be no different.  I’m eternally grateful to the following people (in no particular order):

  • my mom and dad
  • my extended family
  • my friends (especially Kyle, Sandhya, David, Katie, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, Mike, Kim, Sharon, Gus, Brian, Kevin, Sade, Lynda, Sarah & family, Euretha, Sue, the Call Someone Who Cares Singers, Megan, and Terri)
  • Suzanne with Ideal Protein
  • my boyfriend, Steve, who thinks I’m beautiful inside and out and tells me all the time
  • the Sparkpeople Ideal Protein community
  • you (my stalkers)

I don’t know what the future holds, as I know the next year I will begin maintenance and that new phase of my life.  But I do know one thing for certain….I will never, hear me now, NEVER weigh over 200 pounds again.  And I put this in writing because I feel 100% about my ability to never get to such a dark place that I will let myself.  I will have slips.  I will have down times.  I will have times I eat for comfort.  I will have times I have to slay the dragon.  But I know for sure that I will always reign it in within 10 pounds.  I have a great support network that will help keep me accountable, and I will continue to rely on them, as well as rely on myself.

Because after all, I’ve lost 116.5 pounds.  I can do anything.

And so can you.

In summary


Look people, if I was held captive in a Turkish prison (no offense to Turkish prisons, they just always seem to be the fictional place soap opera characters go when their character has been presumed dead for years, then voila! They reappear) I would be able to lose 20 more pounds.  Probably a lot more than that.

That would be based on starvation, which I don’t want to do….nobody does….but the bottom line is the weight will come off.  Therefore, it can come off doing Ideal Protein too.  It can come off doing other programs too, but I know IP works for me, so I’m sticking with that.

I’m grateful for all who read my blog, and all who comment.  Your words of support are awesome.  I can only hope that by reading all that I’ve gone through in the past year has helped at least a few people.

I know the act of writing has helped me.  

Good friends are the best


I’m so very thankful for my good friend at work (my work spouse) who let me be an emotional crazy bag lady this afternoon.  I’m grateful for his very calm demeanor, and his analytical approach to life.  I also appreciate his 2 cents on the hypothetical situation I described in an earlier post.

To sum up his thoughts…..from the man’s perspective he simply does not want to enable the woman.  She’s the one who has always said she wanted to lose 20 more pounds.  She’s not finished until she says she is finished.  It’s her battle.  It’s her “thing”.  All he should do is get out of the way, and tell bad jokes from time to time.  It’s obvious he digs her stuff.  It’s obvious he finds her attractive.

So chill the heck out, hypothetical woman!

Work spouse also said that anyone in my zip code and surrounding zip codes knows what I did in the last year and is in complete awe.  He said that 98% of people just say “I could never even attempt that”, then out of the 2% that try, only a small percentage of them accomplish even 50% of what I did.

That’s what he said.  Then he wrapped it all up by calling me a good egg.

I don’t know if it’s ketosis, the weather, or just a slight manic phase….but my mind has been going 3000 mph lately, and it’s no wonder I’m trying to get everything figured out and drive myself nuts in the meantime.

Big sigh.

No relief


Running gave me relief.  On this diet I can’t run.

Unfortunately this diet is making me crazy.  And work is not great right now.  So I need the stress-relief.

For 38 years my stress-relief was food.  I can’t have food.  I can’t run.

All I’m doing is sleeping, crying, being overly emotional, and a crazy mess.

Fun, huh?  I’m a regular joy to be around currently.

Conflicted for weeks


I’m so conflicted because I am satisfied, to a degree, with where I am currently weight-wise.  How could I not be thrilled with 189 when I was 305 one year ago?  How could I not think I’m pretty, and “normal-sized” when I buy clothes in the ladies section and not the women’s or plus-sized?  Would it be so terrible to stay where I am right now and learn to maintain right here?

I don’t think it would be terrible.  Not at all.

I would feel more secure if I lost the 20 pounds…..but I just don’t know if my body will budge.  I first got to 189 at the end of March.  So it’s been 2 months, with 2 significant lapses in the diet.

The diet works, the diet works, the diet works, the diet works.

I feel like I’m at the point of the journey where I need a little boost.  I need someone in my life to tell me I’m perfect the weight I am, and if I never lost another pound, that’s fine.  If I heard those words it would give me the boost I need to go forth.  Because then I would know I was doing it 100% for me, and not partially out of fear of losing the person.

False advertising


Is this false advertising?

This is a hypothetical scenario.  Please chime in with your thoughts…..

If a formerly morbidly obese woman loses 115 pounds, and has every intention of losing 20 more….so much so that she blogs about it, and tells everyone at work about it, all of her friends, and someone she meets and begins a relationship with.

But the 20 pounds hang on for dear life.

She had the intention.  She still is trying to work towards losing.  She is doing everything in her power to get there.  But the weight doesn’t budge.

Adding to the pressure is the fact the man she is with prefers thin women.  And when asked, he doesn’t state one way or the other if he would stay with her if she never lost another pound.  When asked if he’s with her conditionally there is no response.  Usually no response means the response is “yes”.

And what if, God forbid, the woman gains 10 pounds over the years?  20 pounds?

Perhaps the mistake the woman made was trying to date before she was at her stable weight (goal weight, whatever)?  Or perhaps the mistake the woman made was making it so well known that she wanted to lose more weight?




189.8 this morning.  Feeling less bloated, probably released some water weight.  I ate some hot dogs (no bun) over the weekend, and with their sodium content I’m sure that is what was going on. Just a bummer to be back on plan for one week now, and to weigh more on Wednesday than I did Friday.  Does the last 20 pounds really have to be this difficult?

A little bit blue


OK peeps, so on Friday I weighed in at 189.5, and today, without cheating (eating off plan), I weighed in at 191.3.

And no, time of the month happened last week.

Today out of protest to the universe I’m wearing “fat pants” that I have to constantly hike up just because I was feeling spiteful of something because of it.

And as usual, the weather is not helping.

Still eating gum, but gum would stall weight loss, not put weight back on.  So I have no idea on earth what is going on.

It’s just hard to stay positive about it.

In 2 days I will hit a year on Ideal Protein.  I could have been done by now had I just stuck with it this winter.  Ugh.