The past is past

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A friend of mine just got divorced at the age of 49, after contemplating it several times over the last decade, and after being with the person for 30 years.  She’s had to work through a lot of thoughts of wishing she had divorced 10 years ago, 20 years ago, whatever.

And I always tell her that at least she did it at the age of 49 and not 59.  She agrees, and we move on.

However, I’ve had more and more of these thoughts recently.  What would my life have been like had I looked and felt this good at 25, 30, 35?  Would I be married?  Would I have children?  Would I be a professional musician?

A person can go mad if they let themselves ruminate on these types of thoughts for too long.  I am who I am because of all of my choices, and the choices of those around me.  I’m a product of coincidence and my own creation.  No matter what, I can’t change anything that has happened. I can only try to guide my future….and even the future is not completely in my control.

Perhaps I’m not supposed to be married now or ever again.  Perhaps I’m not supposed to have children now or ever.  Perhaps I’m supposed to be doing exactly what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.

Being married and having children is not all it’s cracked up to be.  If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I love my husband….but I would never do it again” or “I love my kids….but I would never do it again” I would at least be able to buy several coffees at Starbucks.

I’m just trying to be the best me I can.  There is only one me.  In the last few years I’ve worked really hard at loving myself, forgiving myself and others, letting go, etc….and the culmination of that work brought me to May 30th, 2012.  And now life is just so good I can barely stand it!

Yay for me!  Yep.  Yay for me!  

Guess it’s time for bed.  Later peeps.

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