Dating as a(n) FFP

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Former Fat Person

OK, I hate the word fat, but you know what I mean.  I’ve been divorced since 2007, and I’ve dabbled here and there with online dating since then….taking many many many breaks in-between to get away from all of the liars, etc….I’ve run into a lot over the years.  Some adventures include:

  1. Really married, but says he’s not (very common, almost not worth putting on the list)
  2. Say he wants a relationship, but only want a FWB (friend with benefits)
  3. Older than he said
  4. Shorter than he said
  5. Still married (but getting a divorce….I promise)
  6. Bad teeth or not enough teeth (missing teeth he ought to have)
  7. Doesn’t look like the picture(s)
  8. Bad table manners
  9. Ends date by very specifically saying “are you free on Wednesday around 6pm?” only never to hear from him again
  10. Back before I would send a full-body picture of me standing, I would send a face pic thinking “well, I’m a large woman, and I carry weight in my face, so no need for a full-body pic” only for the guy to be an idiot and think I had a size 26-28 face on top of a size 8 body.  I started sending a full-body pic after I realized that happened more than once.  I thought I was ok because I always had a round, fat face.  Some obese woman do not carry their weight in their face, and that is dubious to “trick” a man into meeting you when you send the glamour face shot and you look like you have a size 10-12 face, but a jabba-the-hut body.  I was not that woman.

Just recently I had a phone call with a gentleman (ahem) that I thought I had some decent chemistry with, and had an outstanding first phone call with, only for him to blow me off.  Not before I sent him the link to my blog…so maybe he’ll read this.  LOL.  He very specifically wanted to meet for coffee on a Sunday “around 4pm” as he would be up my way visiting his son (yes, Mitch, I’m talking about you).  He said he would call and we would firm it up.  We spoke on the phone Friday night (he called me).  We texted on Saturday.  Then nothing.  Nothing ever.  I’ve never heard from him again.  That’s just one of many examples of flakes and asshats I’ve run into over the years.

However, just last night I ran into a “new for me” issue.  I’ve been emailing a gentleman (ahem) for about a week, and we’ve texted a little and tried to call each other but never were able to connect.  Last night I was at the gym, and he texted me while I was there, so I told him I was at the gym.  Well, the text conversation was a great opening for me to inform him that I’ve lost 111 pounds since May 2012.  He did the obligatory “wow, that’s great”….but then he wanted to reconfirm my height.  And then he wanted to know my goal weight.  And then…………

He had the audacity and balls to ask if I had “any leftover remnants of [my] weight loss”?  Only he spelled it remenents because he’s a dumbass.  I played dumb and asked “what do you mean?” knowing full well he meant loose skin.  He replied with “I dunno….like loose skin”.  Yes, he wrote “dunno”.  So actually, the asshat disqualified himself by having such a low IQ, but then he REALLY disqualified himself asking such a RUDE and INAPPROPRIATE personal question.  So I told him he was rude.  I also told him that in looking again at the pictures he sent me I could see why he was looking for absolute perfection (ahem).   Note: He would be considered “overweight” if not “obese” by a BMI chart….and didn’t have that cute of a face.  He texted me that after one simple question I became unglued and never to text him again.  Fine by me.

So, stalkers, I’m wondering if there is not only dating discrimination against fat people, but also “former fat people”?  From what I’ve always heard, women who give birth go through many physical changes, and most of them not positive….so I wouldn’t consider what I’m dealing with to be much worse than that.

I’ve not talked much about my loose skin on here, but that’s because I’m one of the luckier ones and my body has bounced back pretty well, considering I was obese for 20 some-odd years.  I have some loose skin in my upper arms and thighs, and yes, my abdomen.  But I don’t look like a trainwreck.  And, the body takes up to 2 years after a weight loss to actually bounce back all the way it’s going to.  Actually, it is recommended that if you think you may need some plastic surgery after weight loss that you don’t do it until AT LEAST ONE YEAR after you hit goal and have maintained.

I’m curious as to what anyone thinks about this new discrimination I’m about to face……please chime in!

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One response »

  1. I’m afraid you are right — fat prejudice is the last acceptable prejudice in America. Some academics at Harvard U developed a test to track hidden biases, and they did one to measure prejudice based on weight. Google Implicit Association Test and Harvard, and you can find it. I haven’t taken it yet, because I’m afraid it’s going to reveal that I’M biased against fat people, too, even though I’ve been one most of my life!

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