Hello. I’m Amy and at some point around the age of 38.75 and 39.1 I decided I love going to the gym. I love being fit. I love spending the time on me. I love challenging my body and doing good for my body. I love running (even though I’m sure I’m the slowest runner on earth). On. Earth. But I don’t give a rat’s hat about that.
Today as my couch to 5k man (an app, not a human being) stopped yelling at me, so I kept running. Just as I’m thinking “where is that jerk?” I checked my phone and saw that for whatever mysterious reason my app stopped, and I’d been running much longer than I needed to. LOL.
I’ve been doing machines for arms and legs now too, and did some abs exercises today. They have a nice little room just for women for certain machines, which is nice for a little privacy. I certainly feel like I belong at the gym….and heck, I even get looks at the gym now, so it’s more about just feeling awkward about certain machines (like “how does this one work?”) that makes me like the woman’s room for now just for a few of them.
Anyway, I just never knew I would love working out so much. I look forward to it, and am sad when I can’t.
Today marks day #7 of being completely 100% on phase 1 Ideal Protein protocol, and I weighed in a 199.5. Once I hit 198.2 it will be “new” weight I’ve lost, as I’ve hit under 200 3 times in the past month due to cheating for my birthday and the travel.
At the beginning of the week I was really white knuckling it. I was attending online OA meetings every night just to stay strong. I’m pleased to say I’m back in my groove, but it was difficult getting back to it this time. But I knew if I didn’t get back on, and didn’t meet my goal (currently 160….last week I toyed with 170, but I would really love to play with the 160’s and top out at 170 as my warning bell), I would be very disappointed with myself.
I knew the last bit of weight was going to be tough….and winter is tough. Our bodies are just designed to hibernate right now. But I fight through it.
My next big milestone I look forward to is hitting 185, when, according to the evil and hateful BMI scales, I will finally be overweight instead of obese. I hate the word obese with every fiber of my being, and I would consider it a lifetime achievement to reside in “overweight” BMI the rest of my life never touching obese again. I really don’t see why I couldn’t do this. If I hit 159, then I’m “normal”. I just don’t know if my body could sustain a normal BMI after so many years of being not only obese, but morbidly obese. Only time will tell, and I certainly don’t want to only be about numbers…..but it is about numbers, I just need to ensure I continue to focus on health and not obsess about any particular weight or size of clothing.
My vacation opportunity which I believe I will decline at this time…..
A friend of mine is getting a divorce after 30 years of being with the same man, and she’s found a meetup group of ladies who travel. They are planning to go to Mexico for an all-inclusive vacation at a resort.
While I normally would be all in for this, I feel I just won’t be ready by April to do a trip such as this. I may not even be to my goal weight and would then plan to phase off the right way to go on the vacation. As I’ve seen with my own slips in the past 6 weeks, it’s just that much harder to get back on the bike each time.
And, if I even am at my goal weight (or one I could be satisfied with as my “finish line”), I feel I won’t have my maintenance groove yet. The analogy I came up with is when a kid is 16 and gets their driver’s license. Does a parent say “sure, go ahead and drive from New York to California on your own, even though you just got your license 2 weeks ago”, or does a parent say “would you please drive to the local post office and pick up some stamps for the family?”. I think it’s the post office.
I feel that given my current concern of being watchful for food addiction I need to drive to the post office for a few weeks, and then maybe to 2 towns over, and then after a few months drive to the next state or two before I plan a cross-country drive. I see a cross-country drive 6 months to a year after I’ve been on maintenance.
I realize this is a personal choice, and many of you will think I’m being overly cautious….that I could monitor myself even at an all-inclusive resort…..but I just don’t know if I can yet. I’m not a binge drinker, but I would indulge in 2-3 alcohol beverages a day on a vacation like that….and I would eat 3 meals and snacks. I just don’t know if I would be ready in 2 months from now for something with that much temptation.