Monthly Archives: February 2013

Seat belt

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First time flying in years without fear of my seatbelt not snapping comfortably.

First time flying in years without fear of my seatbelt not snapping comfortably.

A victory.  I never had to use a seatbelt extender, but it really came close last mid-May when I flew to Florida to go on my cruise to the Bahamas.

Tomorrow I fly to Cedar Rapids for work, and I’m 10 pounds less than on 1/29/13 when we flew to Tulsa.  I love my new body and love my new life!

And just like that I’m excited

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So today’s weigh-in put me at 197.49.  I also climbed 22 flights of stairs today at work.  Now I’m starting to have little thoughts of wondering what I will look like at 180, 170, 160?  I’ve also realized that I don’t believe I was ever lower than 185 in college, so this fall when my dad and I go to all of the home football games (thanks to my dad’s awesome birthday present of season tickets for us next year), I will actually weigh less than when I was a student there.  Unbelievable.

And, have I ever told the 172 day on here?  OK, I’l blog about that on 172 day.  Anyway, I weighed 172 as a freshman in high school…..and that was after dieting……so the last time I weighed 160 and lower would have been middle school and younger.  14 years old.  25 years ago.  Unbelievable.

There are people I’ve known for many years who have never seen me at the weight I am now (my ex-husband).  There are many others (people I met in high school or later) that only knew me in the 180’s or heavier.  So only a few friends from childhood and my family knew me when I was under 172, and I was a child then.

This has been a very incredible journey.  I’m so very grateful it finally clicked for me.  Yes, I know maintenance will be tough, but this has been tough too.  Life is tough.  Being morbidly obese was the toughest punishment I could have ever put myself through, and I don’t intend to ever hate myself like that again.  Yes, food is great.  Food is delicious.  But nothing tastes like thin feels……and I finally believe that statement.  It’s about time.

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I must remember this product when I get to maintenance…..

Nicole Meadows

507-0001I have recently discovered one of my new favorite products that you may or may not be interested in! It’s called PB2,a powdered peanut butter-when mixed with water is just like the real thing. HOWEVER, it’s only 45 calories per two tablespoons and about 13 calories from fat! That’s a much different nutritional value than the regular 190 calories per two table spoons from the regular stuff. PB2 also doesn’t use bad chemical processes or preservatives. This PB2 takes most of the fat out of the peanut butter and Dr. Oz even recommends it!

I love my peanut butter, I put it in and on everythingfrom toast, bananas eggs, celery, carrots, chicken and burgers, oatmeal, yogurt, cookies, and smoothies/protein shakes! I recently have had a thing for cold bananas and peanut butter. With PB2 I can add much more peanut butter on my bananas without feeling like I’m indulging as much…

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A new low

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I’m officially in “new” weight loss.  Today I hit 198.09.  Previous low was on January 11th of this year at 198.2 on the same scale.  So I’m officially back on a roll.  I have been eating 4-5 IP products per day, as well as my 8-10oz of protein and veggies….staying under 50 carbs (not net carbs) per day.  This seems to be working for me right now with exercising vigorously.  I may need to watch the calories….but working out does make you hungrier, and I’m still staying to plan, just eating more calories (1050-1200 per day instead of 750-950).  I think currently I’m making up the difference by burning more by exercise.  We shall see.

I did determine that I’m very afraid of getting to maintenance, because that is a new hard.  I’ve never really tried to maintain in my life.  I’m scared of being someone that gains some/most/all of their weight back.  Some is fine, within reason.  As I’ve stated before I think it’s normal/average to play with 5 to 8 pounds, especially in the winter.  I want to get to the point where I’m like “hmmm, my pants are little tight today, better watch it for a few days”.  You know, like a normal person.  😉

Happy Valentines Day stalkers!

 

Runnin’ runnin’, and runnin’ runnin’, and runnin’ runnin’

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Hello.  I’m Amy and at some point around the age of 38.75 and 39.1 I decided I love going to the gym.  I love being fit.  I love spending the time on me.  I love challenging my body and doing good for my body.  I love running (even though I’m sure I’m the slowest runner on earth).  On. Earth.  But I don’t give a rat’s hat about that.  

Today as my couch to 5k man (an app, not a human being) stopped yelling at me, so I kept running.  Just as I’m thinking “where is that jerk?” I checked my phone and saw that for whatever mysterious reason my app stopped, and I’d been running much longer than I needed to.  LOL.

I’ve been doing machines for arms and legs now too, and did some abs exercises today.  They have a nice little room just for women for certain machines, which is nice for a little privacy.  I certainly feel like I belong at the gym….and heck, I even get looks at the gym now, so it’s more about just feeling awkward about certain machines (like “how does this one work?”) that makes me like the woman’s room for now just for a few of them.

Anyway, I just never knew I would love working out so much.  I look forward to it, and am sad when I can’t.

Just like riding a bike, one that’s on fire and has a flat tire

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Today marks day #7 of being completely 100% on phase 1 Ideal Protein protocol, and I weighed in a 199.5.  Once I hit 198.2 it will be “new” weight I’ve lost, as I’ve hit under 200 3 times in the past month due to cheating for my birthday and the travel.

At the beginning of the week I was really white knuckling it.  I was attending online OA meetings every night just to stay strong.  I’m pleased to say I’m back in my groove, but it was difficult getting back to it this time.  But I knew if I didn’t get back on, and didn’t meet my goal (currently 160….last week I toyed with 170, but I would really love to play with the 160’s and top out at 170 as my warning bell), I would be very disappointed with myself.

I knew the last bit of weight was going to be tough….and winter is tough.  Our bodies are just designed to hibernate right now.  But I fight through it.

My next big milestone I look forward to is hitting 185, when, according to the evil and hateful BMI scales, I will finally be overweight instead of obese.  I hate the word obese with every fiber of my being, and I would consider it a lifetime achievement to reside in “overweight” BMI the rest of my life never touching obese again.  I really don’t see why I couldn’t do this.  If I hit 159, then I’m “normal”.  I just don’t know if my body could sustain a normal BMI after so many years of being not only obese, but morbidly obese.  Only time will tell, and I certainly don’t want to only be about numbers…..but it is about numbers, I just need to ensure I continue to focus on health and not obsess about any particular weight or size of clothing.

Like a newly licensed teenager driving across the country

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My vacation opportunity which I believe I will decline at this time…..

A friend of mine is getting a divorce after 30 years of being with the same man, and she’s found a meetup group of ladies who travel. They are planning to go to Mexico for an all-inclusive vacation at a resort.

While I normally would be all in for this, I feel I just won’t be ready by April to do a trip such as this. I may not even be to my goal weight and would then plan to phase off the right way to go on the vacation. As I’ve seen with my own slips in the past 6 weeks, it’s just that much harder to get back on the bike each time. 

And, if I even am at my goal weight (or one I could be satisfied with as my “finish line”), I feel I won’t have my maintenance groove yet. The analogy I came up with is when a kid is 16 and gets their driver’s license. Does a parent say “sure, go ahead and drive from New York to California on your own, even though you just got your license 2 weeks ago”, or does a parent say “would you please drive to the local post office and pick up some stamps for the family?”. I think it’s the post office.

I feel that given my current concern of being watchful for food addiction I need to drive to the post office for a few weeks, and then maybe to 2 towns over, and then after a few months drive to the next state or two before I plan a cross-country drive. I see a cross-country drive 6 months to a year after I’ve been on maintenance.

I realize this is a personal choice, and many of you will think I’m being overly cautious….that I could monitor myself even at an all-inclusive resort…..but I just don’t know if I can yet. I’m not a binge drinker, but I would indulge in 2-3 alcohol beverages a day on a vacation like that….and I would eat 3 meals and snacks. I just don’t know if I would be ready in 2 months from now for something with that much temptation.

Day 3 or why Sweet Tomatoes is not a good restaurant for a diet

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Wha???

Day 3 because I ate off plan on Saturday night.  I had no choice…well…there is always a choice.  But I got to Sweet Tomatoes thinking I could have a simple salad and protein and ignore everything else…..only there is no protein on the salad bar that isn’t already drenched in salad dressing.  So for one more night I ate off-plan and began in earnest on Sunday.

I’m tired of losing the same 10 pounds, and I’m tired of the expense of my program (God love it, but it is not inexpensive), and I’m tired of the monotony.  There are a ton of products on my plan, so I’m just bored in general I think.  Tired of not having the flexibility that others have.

I know I can’t eat like I used to, else I will gain everything back.  However, it will be nice to just have some flexibility.  Alas, I have more pounds to lose before I can try out that flexibility.

I believe I’m adjusting my goal weight from 160 to 172, and play in the 170’s, with an alarm bell that goes off at 180.  That is a safe distance under 200, and I’m hoping a somewhat “easier” weight to maintain than say trying to get to 155 and maintain it.  We shall see though.  This is not set in stone.

🙂 

Putting on the brakes

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I come to you as a person who is more of a food addict than I ever thought. I’ve gained 10 pounds in a week (water, glycogen, real weight, whatever). I could give a bunch of excuses about travel, etc….but the bottom line of it is they are only excuses. After 8 months on IP I know how to do the protocol, and I know how to ignore temptation.

I got right back into addiction thinking and behavior….hiding my eating, eating as though it was my last meal, eating for reward instead of nourishment….all of it.

I’ve decided that IP is not enough for me to truly conquer all of my weight issues. I’ve decided I need to try Overeaters Anonymous as a companion to IP to learn more tools for what I need to maintain.

So today is my first day back on Phase 1 Ideal Protein protocol after being off for one week.

I traveled for work this week, and had one of the worst flights of my life on Tuesday.  We tried to fly from Chicago to Tulsa, but there were bad storms, so were diverted to Springfield, MO.  We had to drive by van for 3.5 hours to Tulsa.  We are part of a show production, and the food for the cast and crew are NOT healthy options.  So I literally would not have been able to find vegetables and protein that I could eat……the veggies had salad dressing and/or sauce already mixed in them, and protein already encased in sauce.  Ugh. The world does not cater towards health.

I have more travel by plane coming 2/18 – 2/20, but I’ve already resolved that I will NOT stray from my plan until I reach 160.  There will be NO excuses about travel, inconvenience, etc…

These are things I need to remember……

1.  The emergency is NOT over.  Yes, I’m off of meds, feel better than I have in years, look better than I have in years, etc….but I’m still obese.

2.  I need to eat for nourishment, not reward.

3.  I am a food addict.

4.  This is a journey.  This is my journey.  I refuse to beat myself up.  I’ve come clean with my mom and all of you about my addiction behavior from this past week, and the backslide it caused.  If I didn’t want to stop, I would have never told anyone, verbally or otherwise.

So we begin again.  Here we go!!!!!

🙂